Obsession
by SweetToothed-Austrian-WannaBe
Summary: AU- Humanstuck. Karkat is being held prisoner the new obsession of a murderous man and his former lover Gamzee.
1. Chapter 1

He sat curled into himself, the darkness engulfed his body, he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen sunlight, occassionally he'd catch the light of the house above him as the basement door opened and closed, or the glow from the furnace's flames. Karkat hated those forms of light, they never lead to anything good, it meant the one imprisoning him there was in the basement with him.

He exhaled, his tired eyes loosely closed, his mind some point between slumber and alert. He never fully slept the idea scared him, leaving himself completely vulnerable like that. The shackles at his wrist, bruised and cut him, always cold, despite how long they had clung to him they never warmed to his bodyheat, constantly reminding him he was a prisoner. A mad man's obsession, the unlucky one that wasn't killed. The one that was kept. Like a pet.

A warm hand caressing his cheek, forced the teen to wake, he flinched away but the hand followed giving a light tug to his hair, to ensure he wouldn't move again. It took a moment for Karkat's eyes to adjust again. His gaze met a familiar frame when they did, a lanky teen crouching down beside him, the scruffy hair framed his face and that painted on clown smile, it made the small teen shudder. Their eyes finally came to meet, he didn't have the eyes of a murderer, they were always bewildered and child like when ever Karkat looked into them, despite what the teen had done to him, Karkat could never bring himself to fully hate the other male, not with those eyes, the lying innocent stare.

The hand on his cheek was damp with blood, the thumb smearing it onto his cheek, his empty stomach tightened, curling itself into knotts, he had killed yet again. "Gamzee, your hands" A fearful whisper left Karkat's lips, his voice begging for the hand to leave his face, he couldn't stand the blood. Gamzee stared at his hands for a moment like they wasn't his own, instead of removing them, he simply pushed his blood stained thumb into the smaller male's mouth, a childish grin began to form as the other cringed away.

It quickly faded as he saw the fear in Karkat's eyes. He hated how he was feared, Karkat should be greatful that he wasn't killed, but no he just feared him even more now Gamzee couldn't let him go. Not knowing what he knew. Gamzee hated what he had done, he wanted things to return to how they were, for Karkat to love him the way he used to, well before he dragged him down here with the intention of killing him.

After all that was the original plan, that's why Gamzee got as close to Karkat as he did. What better way to lure someone like Karkat into a death trap then to romance him like in one of those sickening RomComs? But it was all for nothing when it came to killing him, Gamzee couldn't do it, he had fallen for the other. He wasn't sure why, he had used the romance trick before, Karkat was different, it become more then just a plan his feelings were true, now he had ruined it. The love was now completely one sided.

He quickly wiped the blood from his hands onto his shirt, this time catching Karkat's head in both of them. Karkat didn't flinch this time, he was used to the silence, his gaze constantly on him, the touching. His touch was gentle but firm, he never held Karkat to hurt him, just to hold him in place. The smaller teen clenched his jaw, he knew what it meant when Gamzee held him this way, he wanted to kiss him. For the sake of staying alive Karkat would allow himself to be kissed but only a simple one, he clenched his jaw shut so that the murderous clown couldn't deepen it, not that it stopped him trying, the clown longed for the passion filled kisses they used to share, to do more then just caress Karkat's cheek. He wouldn't do that unless Karkat let him though, he may very well be a murderer, but he'd never force some one, especially his Karkat into something like that.

He kiss was short, not nearly enough to satisfy Gamzee's want. He didn't want to push his luck though, if the kiss lasted too long Karkat would pull away and curl back into a ball if. He released Karkat's head letting his arms fall at his sides, resting his head in his captive's shoulder. He could feel the bones of Karkat's shoulder sticking out more then they should. Of course they did, Gamzee only gave Karkat enough food to survive not to fill him. Karkat's hand reached up to brush though the clown's hair, once Gamzee rested there, he'd stay there until he fell asleep, there was no arguing that. Stroking Gamzee's hair had always calmed him, he fell asleep faster, so he'd wake up faster and leave Karkat be. That and Karkat longed for some form of comforting human touch, even if it was from this man, he needed it he hated to acknowledge it but if it wasn't for Gamzee coming down to the basement and giving him the pyshical contact he did each day, Karkat would have proberly lost his mind months back.

He drifted back into the state of being half asleep, forgetting about the male clinging to him, wondering about the world out side, how many had Gamzee killed now? How long will it go on? Whether he'd ever be found? Were they even still looking for him? The thoughts swirled in his head, it hurt to think, they soon left his mind as he found himself falling completely asleep for the first time in a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

Karkat groaned his heavy eyes fluttering open, he stared at the wall next to him. For a moment his sleepy daze allowed him to forget the situation he was in. The grey of the wall disturbed by a faint orange glow, dancing on the wall like flames. The farmiliar scent of meat cooking filled his nostrials, his stomach gave a pathetic growl, which was responded to by a chuckle. Not his own, but Gamzee's. Karkat, sat up remembering where he was, who he was with and what he smelt.

It wasn't the food his stomach moaned for. The very thought of what it was made him gag having nothing in his stomach to throw up. It wasn't cooking he could smell, but a body burning in the furnace. Someone's life was taken last night and their body was now burning little then a meter away from him, the man who killed them sat just across the room watching Karkat like he always did. "Hungry Karkles?" He despised that pet name, he almost managed a snarl in reaction to hearing it, but it was cut short from his stomach giving another growl.

His arms held the aching empty organ, giving a defeated nod, karkat sighed waiting for Gamzee to feed him. He heard the sound of Gamzee's feet moving towards him placing a plate infront of him, a foreign slice a meat upon it. "What... What is that?" He cringed at the thought in his head, he didn't know why he asked anymore he received the same reaction. Gamzee would tuck a finger under Karkat's chin lifting it to meet his Gaze and with that grin of his, he'd simply reply "Food." Then walk back to where he was sat, returning to just watching Karkat cautiously eat the meat, fearing the worst. Whether it was human meat of not Karkat couldn't tell, he was too hungry to notice flavours.

He kicked the plate away after finishing, the little defiance he had was kicking things away, when he was first brought down here, he'd kick and scream for hours, cursing in a fit of rage. Delivering a beating to Gamzee when ever he came near, but not now. He was broken, weak and exhausted, willing to give into almost anything Gamzee did. To just accept every time Gamzee came down here was either to brag about murders or dispose of the bodies. Very occasionally Gamzee would simply breakdown and come down here to see Karkat still alive, to prove to himself he wasn't completely insane. To Gamzee, Karkat was his little piece of sanity, his little miracle. Not that Karkat would ever see it that way.

Gamzee exhaled bored with just watching he crawled back over to his Karkat. Oh god, did that creep Karkat out, the stupid clown crawling over in the dim lightling like some sort of posessed circus freak. He curled his knees to his chest again, providing some sort of barrier between himself and the idiot. "Karkles~" Gamzee almost purred the name, inching closer to karkat's body, Karkat only turned his head away, being the unplayful prisoner he was. "Karkles" Gamzee spoke again, this time whispering it into Karkat's ear, causing the teen to shiver as the lips brushed against it. The smaller of the two pressed himself against the wall trying to create space between them, seems how the chains prevented him from fully moving away.

His cheeks flushed lightly, feeling Gamzee's warm breath on his skin, his lips ghosting over his ear, the pet name being purred into his ear. Gamzee chuckled, it was the reaction he wanted. He dared to place his arms around Karkat's waist, pulling him away from the wall and proping him against his own body. Karkat squirmed in his grasp, tensing, shivering, he didn't want to be held. The hands around him held him firmly at the hips the pet name once again whispered into his ear one hand travelled up his torso to the back of his head, nesting itself into his hair.

Seeing little resistance Gamzee continued, lightly kissing Karkat's neck. Karkat froze, he couldn't move away, Gamzee had him perfectly captured in his arms, he let out a quiet whimper as more kisses followed. He strained to push at Gamzees chest, he couldn't move Gamzee when he was healthy, he was completely defenseless like this. He mentally stuttered a 'fuck' parting his lips trying to find his voice. The obnoxious thing was in his throat some where. Finally, as he felt the warm wet muscle attack his neck he managed a squeak of a noise "Gamzee, stop it!"

Gamzee paused releasing Karkat, to watch him scramble back against the wall. He chewed his lip for a moment seeing his miracle's fearful expression, it was no expression for a miricle, that pain in his chest crept back up on him. Reminding him his lover was scared of him, he couldn't touch Karkat that way anymore. In defeat he rose back to his feet, moving to the furnace making sure last night's prey was well disposed of. Probing aimlessly at the flames with a poker. He glanced back at the boy curling into himself, not that he could do anything to comfort him the most he could do was mumble "You know I'd never hurt my Karkles."

"I'm not fucking yours." Karkat glared a response, there was no way he'd let that clown still refer to him as his own. He'd never return to being a lover to a monster like Gamzee. No matter how determined Gamzee was. Prehaps if Gamzee could see that this would all end. He knew the only end to this was his death but right now, he'd rather have that. "Would you ever kill me Gamzee?" Gamzee sighed at the question, didn't the statement before this answer that? "Never."

Karkat sighed, burrowing his head into his knees, he didn't know how much longer he could last down here, he wanted an end to it. "Why couldn't you have just said yes?"


	3. Chapter 3

The past few days had been very frustrating. Well frustrating for Gamzee anyway, he had no idea how Karkat was feeling. A couple of days ago he'd pushed to far, forgeting he couldn't touch Karkat the way he wanted to thus scaring him all over again. He lent against the wall of his hallway, staring at the basement door opposite. As much as he wanted to go down there and see his loved one, he couldn't stand seeing Karkat cringe away from him again, he hadn't been eating either. Everything Karkat was doing was so frustrating and all because he couldn't comfort him. He knew his presence didn't help, that Karkat wanted distance from him. But that wasn't going to be possible, Gamzee had to keep an eye on him.

Karkat lay on the cold floor of the basement, the short chains on his wrists pulled his hands to one side of his body. Aimlessly looking up to the ceiling, no thoughts, he didn't have the energy to think. His middle felt like his organ's were twisting together, he was so hungry. Not that he was going to eat though. If Gamzee wasn't going to put him out of his misery he'd do it himself. He didn't care for the pain it would be over soon enough, it couldn't take that long to starve to death, could it?

He sighed hearing the door of the basement creek open, using what strength he had left to sit up and watch Gamzee's silhouette walk down the stairs, he was holding something. Proberly food, since Karkat stopped eating Gamzee began to cook him proper meals hoping it would tempt him into eating again, even if it was just alittle. His assumption was correct, Gamzee crouched down placing the food infront of Karkat. "Eat." Karkat's salivary glands went over board at just the sight, he had to swallow so he wouldn't drool. He looked back at the clown's face, suprized to see the lack of make up on his face, he's been to busy fussing over Karkat to bother with it. "Get fucked." He grumbled his reply kicking the plate aside the food spreading across the floor, not edible now.

Gamzee dug his nails into his ridiculously patterned trousers, a quiet growl developing in his throat. If it were anybody else they'd be dead by now. He'd beat the life out of them for being so ungreatful. But this was his Karkat. Taking a deep breath he tried to calm his temper, predicting karkat would react that way, he'd brought down extra, pie to be exact. Gamzee used to make it for Karkat, granted he'd have to force feed him the food, for some reason Karkat didn't trust his baking. He left it with Karkat before getting up and walking back to the stairs. "I said eat."

Like hell, Karkat was going to do anything he said. He picked up the pie, he really didn't have the energy to do this but it was worth it. He threw the pie back at Gamzee, it was fitting after all he is a clown. A slight smirk graced Karkat's lips as Gamzee stumbled on the stairs the pie hitting the back of his head. "And I said get fucked." The growl erupted from Gamzee, he balled his hamds into fists, shaking trying to contain himself. Fuck being calm. He lobbed the metal tin the pie once sat in back at Karkat, hearing him wince on impact, curling into himself. "Fine! Motherfucking starve!" And to finish his tantrum Gamzee stomped his was up the stairs, slamming the door and taking the rest of his anger out on the wall.

Calming slightly, Gamzee brushed the pie from his hair with his fingers. He sighed, imediately regreting what he'd done, he'd proberly hurt Karkat doing that and there no way he'd be able to get close to him now. So frustrating. He needed some release, something he wasn't so bothered about if he hurt it. Stood in rare thought he didn't even notice the door bell go until the third ring. Miracles. Gamzee returned to his usual stoned, out of it posture and answered. His newest bro, sat opposite him in his wheelchair, giving that cheerful and sort of nervous smile. "Oh, uhh hi Gamzee.."

"Hey Tav-bro, you're just the miracle I needed." Gamzee grinned , guesturing Tavros to come in as he stuttered his embarrassed reply. "You're uhh.. not wearing you makeup?" Tavros asked, as Gamzee lead him to the kitchen, grabbing a Faygo from the fridge. "Yeah, I was just gonna motherfucking do that." Gamzee replied placing a small mirror on his kitchen table and the tubs of make up from the draws, Tavros asked to simply watch, he didn't mind what they did as long as he had the company. Gamzee plastered on the whites of his makeup, wondering how to get Tavros to the basement, it was pretty much sound proof he could do it down there. It wouldn't be the first time Karkat unfortunately had to witness his murders.

He moved onto the blacks, holding it up filling in his eyes before pausing. "Aw, shit man, ran out of black... Hey there's some more in my closet you wouldn't mind helping a motherfucking bro out, would you?" He asked knowing despite being the one in the wheelchair Tavros would reply "Uhh, sure." Tavros wheeled himself to what he thought was the closet, unknowing of Gamzee following behind, finishing his makeup as he went. He opened the door to be greeted by stairs decending into darkness. "This isn't uhh, a closet, Gamzee.." Gamzee couldn't help his grin, taking hold of the handles to the wheelchair. "It's not? My motherfucking bad." And with that he tipped the wheelchair, sending Tavros plummeting down the stairs.

Karkat could only watch as Tavros hit the floor like a ragdoll, his body making a terrible cracking noise. Oh god, not this again, Karkat wrapped his arms around his legs trying to make himself as small as possible, staring at the lifeless body. Was he dead already? No Gamzee normally waited until Karkat was asleep to drag in a dead body, he was alive, Gamzee was going to kill him right here. The body stirred, whinning and whimpering as he shakily lifted his upperbody from the gound. Tavros's gaze meet Karkat's, terror in his eyes, in pain and confused. "G-Gamzee?" He whimpered, hearing Gamzee's footsteps on the stairs. "Aww, did you fall down, brother?" Gamzee asked, gripping Tavros's hair dragging him away from the stairs, earning another cry of pain from him.

Unable to watch the sites, Karkat burrowed his head into his knees, flinching as the pleas to stop began, the sound of the blunt intrument beating on flesh, the crying, Gamzee's laughter, the blood splat, the help me's. Tears welled in his eyes, he covered his ears, desperate to block it out, but it was useless he couldn't drowned out the horrifying noises. The beating grew louder, the choking of tears and cries weaker. He couldn't take it, he couldn't just sit there, with tears streaming down his cheeks. "Gamzee, stop!" He screamed, digging his nails into the backs of his ears they clung that tightly to his head.

Gamzee froze, he dropped the Tavros's broken body, he wasn't quite dead yet, but he wouldn't last either. He stared back at the teen sobbing and huddled against the wall. His chest tightened, like his ribs were squeezing everything between them. The last thing Karkat would want is Gamzee to go over to him, but how could he not? He moved infront of Karkat, uncurling his trembling body enough to pull into an embrace, wiping the tears from Karkat's cheeks. Karkat resisted at first, but he was desperate for comfort, defeated he gave into Gamzee's hold, burrying into his shoulder. He caught glance of Tavros's now lifeless body. How could Gamzee do these things. It wasn't the guy he loved it was a monster wearing his face and yet Karkat still clung to that monster when ever he hurt like this.

Once he was satisfied Karkat had been consoled he forced himself to pull away to dispose of the body like he always did. Tavros groaned as Gamzee lifted him, his eyes barely open. "I thought.. we were..." He managed a mumble, confused with why this was happening to him, his beaten body had gone numb by now. Gamzee chuckled and nodded in Karkat's direction. "Nah, Karkat's my one and only." With that he put Tavros out of his misery and disposed of him.

There was a moment of silence as the pair listened to the flames devour the body, Gamzee watched the flames making sure Tavros was nothing more then ashes. "I'm not yours." Karkat breathed, wiping his eyes one last time, keeping his gaze on the ground, not wanting to see the bloody mess. "Whether you like it or not. You are mine, Karkles."


	4. Chapter 4

Gamzee's visits to the basement returned to how they used to be, Gamzee just watching Karkat, occasionally going to touch him, pushing for a kiss. After what had happened Karkat grew timid again and just let it happen for the sake of staying alive. Gamzee had managed to convince Karkat to start eating again, through spoon feeding him, that became a new routine, Karkat wasn't even allowed to feed himself now, Gamzee would do that for him too.

Gamzee had to restrict the amount of times he went down to the basement, with the police visiting him about Tavros. Prehaps choosing to kill him was a bad idea. Karkat was very much isolated in his life, he never mentioned parents. He didn't have that many close friends either, mainly internet ones. But Tavros wasn't so isolated and he always talked about Gamzee so it was going to be more difficult. Gamzee could manage though, he's just say life is a miracle and babble about nonsense, occasionally zoning out and offering them faygos until the police would deem him too simple to committ murder.

Down in the basement life was much more, well, lifeless. Karkat had taken to laying down instead of sitting, his abused spine very much greatful to be uncurled. Although it was annoying how the chains forced his hands to one side of his body every time he did lay down. The basement had been cleaned since the murder, it normally made it easier to stay down there, but there was no way of completely ereasing it this time. Sat across the room from was Tavros's wheelchair, Gamzee couldn't risk getting rid of it right now so he dumped it down there with Karkat.

Every time Karkat caught gaze of it the events of that night would flood his mind, he wanted rid of them so badly. He wondered if Gamzee ever had these thoughts, he laughed all the way through the murders, it was't like he didn't enjoy them, but there had to be some part of Gamzee that regretted it. Some part of him that could still be called human. The Gamzee Karkat used to know.

Sighing Karkat turned onto his side so he was facing the wall and wouldn't have to be constantly reminded. He looked down at the shackles around his thin wrists, there was a small gap between his wrists and the metal, it would hit against his wrist, causing bruises and the occassional cut, when he was first brought down here, they clung tightly around his wrist, it showed how much weight he'd lost, how little there was left of him. Karkat sat up blinking, looking as if his brain had slapped him in the face for not realising it sooner, his wrists were thinner, then his hands would be thinner too. They might just be thin enough for him to slip out of the cuffs.

He curled his thumb under his palm on one hand the other hand took hold of the cuff, pushing it up to his hand. He gritted his teeth it didn't take long for the cuff to start scraping and tearing at his skin, it had to come off. His hands weren't as thin as he thought, he tried twisting the cuff off but that just dug it deeper into the gashes quickly forming on his hand, the blood that poured from them, making it harder to keep hold of he cuff. His hand trembled in pain, he couldn't get it past his knuckles, biting his lip he attempted to stifle his whimpers, one escaping his mouth every now and again. After a good few attempts he gave up with that hand, wincing as he slid the cuff back down to his wrist.

He tried again with the other hand, but that was just as unsuccessful and damaging. He cursed with annnoyance and pain, kicking at the floor. Both hands trembled and bled, he held them out infront of himself, it was too dark to see what actual damage he'd done to himself but he could just about make out that most of his hands were now covered with blood.

Hearing the sound of the basement door creak it's way open, Karkat dropped his hands down by his sides, not wanting to find out Gamzee's reaction to their condition. There wasn't much point Gamzee imediately noticed the small puddles of blood dotted around Karkat. His eyes scanned over the small teen, the only part of his body hidden was his hands, the blood was most likely coming from there. Crouching down, he gently pulled Karkat's hands out where he could see them, Karkat just looked away expecting Gamzee to flip out because he tried to escape.

Instead he heard a clicking sound and felt the shackles drop from his wrists. Gamzee had unlocked him, why? Taking hold of Karkat's arm he pulled him to his feet, watching him wobble for a moment, it being the first time he'd stood in a while. The clown sighed, Karkat obviously wasn't going to be able to walk, hooking his arms around the unstable Karkat's back and legs he lifed him, he'd have to be carried. Karkat stiffened in the embarrassing hold, the worse of thoughts went straight to his head, 'Oh god, he's going to throw me in that furnace' but instead he found himself being carried up the stairs out of the basement.

He flinched at the light, everything was so bright it hurt his eyes. Karkat squinted the blinding light blurring his vision. He could feel Gamzee still walking, where were they going, was going to burry him in the yard? No, they headed up more stairs, to the upstairs of Gamzee's house, what hell was the clown going to do? Gamzee sat Karkat own on the edge of something soft, Karkat vision too blurred to make out where he was, he heard Gamzee walk off. Furrowing his brows, trying to concentrate on his surroundings Karkat was able to make out the room he was in was a dark shade of purple, Gamzee's favourite colour, there were blocks of colour cross the wall, pictures or posters prehaps. The furniture below him didn't have a back so it wasn't a couch. A bed? He was in Gamzee's room.

Gamzee came back in moments later, kneeling down infront of Karkat he placed a bowl of water on the smaller male's knees and told him not to move. He took hold of Karkat's hands again guiding them into the water. Karkat hissed, trying to retreat his hands but Gamzee held them there until he wanted to take them out. In better light and with less blood stains Gamzee could see the multiple gashes on Karkat's hands from the cuffs. He took a cloth, gently dabbing the wounds to make sure they were cleaned, shushing Karkat whenever he winced.

Karkat's vision finally came back into focus, he glanced down at his hands being cleaned, for some reason feeling a slight guilt for predicting the worst of Gamzee. He looked back to the other males face, once again there was a lack of make up there. Incase the police came round of course, he need to look more normal for those visits. But what really had Karkat fixed were Gamzee's eyes. There was a genuine look of concern and care in them, how Karkat remembered them, soft, human. The eyes he loved. Gamzee removed the bowl from Karkat's lap and started to bandage Karkat's hands, letting them drop to Karkat's lap when he finished. He met gazes with Karkat, he couldn't help the slight flush at the way Karkat was just staring at him, he couldn't remember the last time Karkat looked at him like that. He couldn't help leaning forward to lightly kiss the other teen.

He didn't flinch nor tense, instead Karkat found himself reaching to pull Gamzee closer, kissing back. Gamzee's arms rested around Karkat's waist, slowly coaching him down onto the bed, deepening the kiss as they went, he could feel Karkat's hands in his hair. In that short moment they'd found the side of eachother they used to have, the side they loved, in the short moment they allowed themselves to forget how everything had turned out, they were lovers in that kiss not a captive and a murderer.

Gamzee's Kisses travelled down from Karkat's lips to his neck, placing tender butterfly kisses across it, one hand sliding under the smaller male's shirts, re-exploring his torso, Karkat arching up to the hand, seeking the attention. He felt different from how Gamzee rememebered. He paused as his fingers ran over the bumps Karkat's rips created in his sides. Gamzee pulled back looking over what was exposed of Karkat's body, he was so thin, he'd always looked delicate with Gamzee being so much bigger then him, but this was ridiculous, he looked like he'd snap at the touch. What had he done? Tears formed in his eyes, he'd caused Karkat to become like this, how could he do this to the one he loved?

The smaller teen reached up, gently caressing Gamzee's cheek, wiping the tears with his thumb. "Gamzee.." Karkat guided him back down, holding him tightly to his chest, the larger male's arm enveloping him again. He hushed Gamzee's sobs, petting his hair, softly repeating that it was okay until he calmed. Gamzee nuzzled Karkat's shoulder, moving them so they were lay properly on the bed, he held Karkat as close as he could, his eyes growing heavy from the tears. Kissing Karkat's shoulder he soon drifted to sleep, Karkat following shortly after.


	5. Chapter 5

The small teen rolled in the bed, grabbing as much of the covers as he could, tangling them around him. Frowning as the light of day shone through the window, he buried his head into the pillow before settling again. He wasn't budging for nobody. Gamzee on the over hand, found it hard to settle with the sudden chill about his body and the one beside him flailing about, stealing his share of covers. He sat up rubbing his eyes, glancing down at the bundle of covers that was Karkat, his messy hair poking out at the top. Some how he prefered it when Karkat had insomnia.

Still, he wasn't going to disturb him, he leaned down lightly kissing the back of his head, before getting up and going downstairs for a morning faygo to properly wake up. Karkat stirred, for a few moments before giving up, he wasn't going to fall back asleep. He turned onto his side, not ready to get up yet, it had been a long time since he was this comfortable. He thought about the events of the day before, trying to determine whether it was a mistake.

He knew he couldn't get back with Gamzee after what he had done. That kiss would only encourage Gamzee's obsession with him, it was definately a mistake. Sighing he scrambled about to untangle himself and the covers, sitting up at the edge of the bed. Part of him expected the stupid clown to be watching him at the end of the bed like the creeper he is but there was no Gamzee to be seen. Living with Gamzee he knew his every step of the day, he would be in the kitchen, applying his lip make up thousands of times, because he never learns not to drink the damn faygo at the same time as doing his make up.

Karkat looked down at his scrawny legs. If he could just stand properly, he could use the wall for support and sneek out. He'd have to get past the kitchen with out being noticed though, that could prove to be difficult. He had to risk it, this may very well be the only chance he'd get to escape. He'd spent months in that basement, this was the first time he wasn't restrained he was not waiting for another oppotunity that may not even come. Using the bed he wobbled to a stand, stumbling back onto it the first time, with a strain he managed to stay up the second time, his legs shaking under his weight.

For a moment it felt like he'd forgotten how to walk, his mind shouting at his legs to work, them dragging themselves forward, barely lifting off the floor. How could something so simple, be so damn complicated. He used the bed to guide him to the nearest wall, leaning on that he forced his legs to drag himself to the door and out of the room. The short distance was so tiring, he found himself already out of breath. He moved forwards a couple more feet, before his legs shaking had become to much. Karkat allowed himself to rest against the wall, letting his eyes slip closed. This was bad idea. He was full of bad ideas. He just stop thinking.

He flinched hearing a loud thud either side of his head, hands slamming against the wall. He didn't want to open his eyes, he knew what was infront of him, but the shock of the noise forced them open. There stood infront of him was Gamzee, frowning down at the teen. "Going somewhere, Karkles?" As if he didn't know what Karkat was up to. "I was.. I just.. Bathroom?" Karkat's entire body began to shake now, he was screwed, he knew that Gamzee would return to being this way and now he'd pissed him off again. Gamzee leaned down closer to Karkat, one hand moving the pet the smaller one's hair. "Don't motherfucking lie to me."

Karkat felt his legs start to buckle he wouldn't be able to stand much longer. He tensed as Gamzee's hand caressing behind his ear, the lanky teen just stood there waiting for the reply Karkat wouldn't dare say. "Gamzee I-" He whimpered his throat closing preventing him from speaking. The noise made Gamzee soften again, he couldn't stay angry with Karkat trembling like this. He sealed the gap bewteen the two, lightly pressing his lips against Karkat's, his free hand moving around his waist to help support him.

The smaller teen froze up, he couldn't keep up with Gamzee's mood changes, he was confused and afraid. A small part of Karkat wantd to kiss back and pray it was the same Gamzee from last night, but he didn't trust it, he started to squirm in Gamzee's hold, with what little strength he had left he gave a push to Gamzee's chest, who caught off guard stumbled backwards dropping the other. Karkat's legs gave way under him as he hit the floor, he sat shaking in pain. "Don't touch me." Gamzee ignored that comment, as usual moving to pick up Karkat, earning him another shove and a more agressive "I said don't touch me! I fucking hate you!"

He looked back at Gamzee, who was too now sat on the floor, he watched the concern and care drain from his face, the expression slowly developing into rage. Karkat backed up against the wall, this was bad. That was it, Gamzee snapped, he was done bending to Karkat's needs, after all Karkat was his, it should be the other way around. He reached forwards grabbing a good handful of Karkat's hair, yanking his head to the side, Karkat yelping as he did. He moved back infront of Karkat keeping a firm grip on his hair. "You do not want to make me mother fucking hate you, Karkles." He gave another tug to Karkat's hair feeling him begin to squirm ,keeping him in place "It will be the end of you, if you did."

Karkat trembled again, tearing up in pain and fear. "G-Gamzee.?" The clown rose to his feet, blanking out Karkat's cries he dragged him by the hair through the hallway. Karkat deperately tried to pry Gamzee's hand from his hair, begging him to stop. His fragile body, hitting against the stairs as Gamzee dragged him, the tears falling uncontrollably, he was terrorfied, why wouldn't Gamzee listen? Gamzee dragged him back down to the basement, down more stairs, not caring for the damage it was doing to his body. He slung him across the basement to where the shackles lay on the floor, Karkat crying out agian, as he landed ontop of the cold metal.

The broken teen didn't dare more, his body ached even the slightest movement sent agonizing pains through is body. He couldn't see past his tears, he could hardly breath. Gamzee wasn't finished yet, he watch for moment before continuing, rolling Karkat onto his back before straddling his waist, he gripped both of Karkat's wrists to ensure he couldn't struggle tightening his grip until Karkat cried out again. "Gamzee, stop!" Gamzee leaned down, placing a forceful kiss on Karkat's lips, allowing his lips to brush against the other's as he spoke. "I've said it before. You are mine, whether you like it or not."

With that said Gamzee locked the shackles back around Karkat's wrists, standing up and leaving him to whimper and huddle in pain and fear.

* * *

><p>NOTE: I wrote this chapter with a minor head injury from my door, so I'm sorry if I messed something up in this chapter, I think I corrected everything..<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

Gamzee lay in the middle of his front room, his knucles bleeding out, everything around him, out of place, toppled over or broken. Out of breath and tired his eyes barely able to stay focused. He'd lashed out at Karkat, proberly seriously hurt him, dragging him down all those stairs and afterwards in a fit of rage he practically destroyed everything around him. It was over now, Karkat would never let him in, he was just warming to him again aswell. But no, Gamzee had to be impatient, he had to loose his temper, didn't he? He growled at the thoughts, pounding his fists into the floor untill he grew tired again.

He needed a better out let then this. He needed to kill again, before he took it out on Karkat or himself. He shakily pulled himself to his feet, heading for his kitchen, taking a carving knife from the draw. He'd have to make this quick, police where crawling around everywhere like cats. A blunt instrument would be better to cure his rage but a knife was much faster. He'd do it this way. Pulling on his jacket he hid the knife on the inside pocket before heading out.

Planning the route as he walked, it's be safest to take the train somewhere out of the area, killing some one here, would most likely make him a suspect to Tavros's disappearance again based on how close it was to his house. He shoved his hands in his pockets, remembering that he'd injured his hands, aslong as he didn't touch the victem and just stabbed without leaving the blade behind there shouldn't be any traces left accept that it was done with a knife. He's normally plan these things out better than this, but he didn't have time, he could hardly think straight.

This was a good as his planning was going to get. It had to be some where away from home, done fast and with as little trace as possible. Sweet and simple.

* * *

><p>How long had it been? A day or two? Karkat didn't know, how could he with no daylight, no clock or watch, no way of telling how long Gamzee had been gone. It felt that long. Maybe Gamzee just wasn't going to come down here anymore, that he was done with Karkat. After the way he acted the last time he'd saw Gamzee, it was possible. So this was how he would die, rotting away in Gamzee's basement, with nothing to do but miss the guy who was killing him.<p>

The last thing Karkat wanted to admitt was that he missed Gamzee, he missed the visits. Even if Gamzee freaked him out most of the time, the stupid clown was all he had and he'd blown it. Gamzee didn't care anymore. Part of him wanted Gamzee to come back, even if it was just to beat him to death, he didn't want to die alone. He wanted Gamzee.

Karkat rested his head on his knees, sniffling as the tears formed in his eyes again. His body, stomach and mind hurt but they were nothing compared to the aching his conflicted heart. He knew he shouldn't be feeling this way about Gamzee, it was wrong, but he couldn't help it. In Gamzee's absence Karkat began to realise how much he had depended upon Gamzee being down there with him. The stares, the soft words, the touching, all of it. He needed Gamzee to be there. He still loved him as much as he hated it. It was too late to tell him that now, Karkat had it fixed in his head that Gamzee didn't care no more. Why else wouldn't he be there?

He curled up as tight as he could, allowing his tears to seep out, his chest aching, like his heart was ready to burst. Where was that idiot when he needed the comfort?

The basement door slammed to an open. Karkat jumped at the abrupt noise and sure enough to accompany the slam was Gamzee stood in the door frame. "Gamzee?" Karkat tried to remain looking passive about him being here, but it was failing as a smile dare to form. It didn't last, there was something off about Gamzee, he wasn't coming down the stairs, he just stood there swaying, his breathing heavy. He attempted a step forward, only to collapse, falling down the stairs and slamming into the floor at the bottom."Gamzee!"


	7. Chapter 7

Gamzee lay in darkness, he couldn't see anything, he couldn't move, the most he could make his fingers twitch. He could feel the pain though, an agonising pain from his wounded stomach bleeding out. He couldn't even scream because of the pain, he felt restrained, gagged and blindfolded by invisible bounds. The last thing he remembered was collapsing down and tumbling down the basement stairs. He began to wonder if was dead, if eternal punishment was real and if this was the start of it.

A noise broke his silence, it started out as a faint whimper, slowly growing louder until it was the sound of somebody completely broken crying. He felt something else, taking his mind off away from the wound, it felt like some one holding him, an arm placed around him holding him close to themself. he felt tears on his cheek, but not his own somebody else's, dripping onto him. He couldn't be dead, he was just unconscious. The sobbing finally grew loud enough for Gamzee to recognize who it was. It was Karkat. His Karkles was crying with out anybody to console him. No, he wouldn't allow that, he needed to wake up, he needed to get to his Karkat.

Karkat sat with Gamzee's upperbody propped up on his knees, holding him there with one arm, his free hand holding a cloth to Gamzee's wound, he had guessed it was a stab wound. He'd managed to pull himself loose from the chains and up stairs to get the cloth, unlike his last attempts to break out of his chains and walk, he didn't care for the pain or damage he delt to his body, Gamzee needed help and he was the only one who could give it to him. He had managed to stop the bleeding by now, but that was the most he could do, he couldn't deal with a wound this serious.

He choked on his tears, Gamzee's breath continued to grow fainter, he was loosing him. "Gamzee." He weakly spoke, wanting, praying for a reply but Gamzee just lay there, unresponsive, coming closer to death with every passing minute. He held Gamzee as close as he could to himself, gently nuzzling his face into the messy curls of hair. His body trembled, rocking himself back and forth, like a helpless child. "Gamzee.."

"H-Hey, Karkles" Gamzee murmered, his eyes weakly opening. his hand instinctively reached to hold the wound, finding Karkat's hand there he rested his own ontop, giving a gentle squeeze. "Gamzee?" Karkat's eyes flooded with tears again, relieved ones, happy ones. He didn't know how else to react other then to sit there in a small tearful joy. Gamzee's other hand rose to stroke Karkat's soaked cheek, groaning in pain as he moved to sit up, Karkat complaining that he shouldn't be moving. Gamzee spotted the shackles on the ground, the bandages once around Karkat's wrists laying next to them, blood stained.

He didn't care for his wound nor the pain it was bringing him, instead he pulled the smaller teen into his arms, the only reason he'd had the strength to wake up was the determination to comfort Karkat. He softly kissed Karkat's head, wincing as the cloth was reapplied to his wound to keep it from bleeing again. "You need to go to the hospital."

"I can't. They'll keep me in, then who'll be there to take care of you?" Gamzee replied, nuzzling Karkat and sighing before adding. "I.. I just need to get upstairs I have bandages up there." Karkat frowned, pulling away from his hold. "Can you be that fucking stupid? You can't just bandage that! It needs treatment arsefuck!" Gamzee just chuckled, it was cut short by a wince but he still smiled his stupid smile. "What the fuck are you laughing at? This is serious!" He pulled Karkat close again resting his head on the smaller male's. "Nothing. You sounded just like your old self again. I motherfuckin' miss him." A light blush spread across Karkat's cheeks. "Sh-Shut up."

"And don't worry 'bout me, I'll be fine." Gamzee struggled to a stand, wincing as he did, Karkat stood to support him, walking the second time came easier to Karkat, it still hurt, but he imagined that Gamzee's pain was a lot worse right now. For Gamzee it wasn't so easy to walk his wound felt like he was burning, he was practically panting by the time he got the top of the stairs, Karkat led him to the front room, seeing he clearly wasn't going to make it up more stairs, sitting him on the couch, which thankfully wasn't turned over in the mess Gamzee had created the other day.

Karkat didn't sit he quickly moved to the kitchen, his weak legs wouldn't be able to carry him much longer, he knew the next time he sat down he wouldn't be able to get back up again for while. He heared Gamzee on the phone to some one, it was short one, from what he could tell Gamzee simply said the stranger was needed and hung up again. He found the necessary dressing Gamzee needed before returning to him, letting his legs give way onto the couch next to the clown. Gamzee lifted his shirt to dress the wound himself, seeing Karkat's body trembling, he thought it would be best to do it himself.

Once Gamzee had finished dressing his wound, Karkat slumped against his side, curling up next to him, nuzzling his shoulder. Gamzee pulled him closer into his arms, mumbling a "My Karkles" and kissing the back of his neck. After a few moments karkat finally asked what had happened, Gamzee simply said "Some mother fucker jumped me" Karkat didn't quite believe it, but even if it wasn't true he didn't really need to know, his Gamzee was safe now and that's all he needed to know.

His wound stopped hurting as much, allowing Gamzee to breathe properly again. He thought about the people he'd hurt, how they felt this pain, even worse pains. How he'd dealt it out to them, like it was nothing. How he'd hurt Karkat like this. He hated himself for it. He couldn't even go through with the pain, he had lied to Karkat about what happened. When he returned home, even after killing it wasn't enough, he still wanted to tear himself apart thinking that he'd lost Karkat for good. He'd drove the blade into himself, but before the wound was enough to be fatal, it became to much and he withdrew the blade. Karkat couldn't know that. He'd never tell Karkat that he'd attempted suicide. His reasons behind it would break Karkat, so Gamzee decided he'll never know.


	8. Chapter 8

It was a struggle to wake again, Gamzee's body was still exhausted from the stress, pain and blood loss he had experianced the day before. His eyes lazily fought to open, groaning at the mess they came to meet. His front room was still a state, at some point he'd have to sort it. His attention turned to a small weight resting on his shoulder and the sound of soft breathing. He smiled placing his arms back around his Karkles giving the sleeping teen a gentle squeeze.

Something else spiked his attention, the night before in order to help Gamzee, Karkat had pulled loose from his chains. He was in too much pain yesterday to proccess it, he adjusted his position, taking hold of one of Karkat's hands. The skin from the back of his palms had almost been completely torn off, the gashes were much deeper then the first time Karkat had tried that stunt, his hand had swelled slightly where the wounds were sore and mostly likely becoming infected. It pained Gamzee that Karkat had done something like this to himself and even more so that he'd been so selfish to neglect it, he could only dress the hands not give them the treatment they'd need now.

Sighing he carefully propped Karkat up so he wasn't slumping against him and slowly stood, biting back a wince, his hand coming to hold his own wound. He paused for a moment, taking deep breaths as the pain hit him all over again, he didn't want to wake Karkat so he bared with it and moved to the kitchen before making any noises of pain. Gamzee being Gamzee the first thing he did was slam a faygo. He leaned against the counter, standing up by himself was proving to be difficult. He thought about how long he had left Karkat alone and how he wouldn't have eaten in that time. Karkat needed to get some food down him, though given how his had diet been, he might not even be able to stomach solid foods by this point.

In Gamzee's absense Karkat had sprawled out across the couch, searching for the lanky teen's warmth, before settling again, mumbling in his sleep. He felt a hand under his head gently lifting and caressing it, a soft voice calling him to wake. Gamzee's voice. His eyes came to meet Gamzee's, the clown quietly chuckling at Karkat's dazed state. He felt Gamzee once again sit him up and moving next to him. Gamzee pressed a bowl to Karkat's lips telling him to drink. Soup wasn't the most appropriate of breakfasts but it was the only thing Gamzee could think of that wouldn't be too hard for Karkat to digest.

His tastebuds tingled, he couldn't recognise the taste but it tasted amasing, any food would have, it had been the first time in months he'd eaten something slow enough to taste it. His stomach growled for more, his hands reach out tipping the bowl and Gazee's hand for more, it hurt to press his hands against an object in their condition, but he didn't care, he was too hungry, he wanted the food too badly to care. The soup poured into his mouth, a tiny amount escaping, trickling odwn the corner of Karkat's lips, he whined as the bowl ran dry and Gamzee pulled it from his weak grip. Gamzee wiped the liquid from Karkat's mouth with his thumb and with out even thinking Karkat took Gamzee thumb into his mouth, licking at it determined to have every drop of the delicious taste, not realising that it was Gamzee he was tasting.

Gamzee felt his cheeks heat up, he shivered at the feeling of Karkat's tongue attacking his thumb. He should pull away, shouldn't he, but Karkat had started it wouldn't it be okay to let him continue? He bit his lip feeling the licks turn to a suckle, he forced himself to pull his hand away, he didn't want to let things go to far and scare Karkat all over again. Not that Karkat was helping the situation, he looked adorably dumbfounded for a moment before realising what he had just done and his own cheeks flushing red, he hung his head in embarrassment not knowing what else to do, it wasn't like he could run off and hide, he was stuck sat there, stuttering a "F-fuck"

A warm smile graced his lips at the small teen's bashfulness, Karkat had always been like that and Gamzee loved it. He gently lifted Karkat's head, lightly kissing him, surely a little kiss couldn't hurt. Karkat's heart skipped at the sudden kiss, he melted into, placing his arms around Gamzee's shoulders, pulling the clown closer as Gamzee deepened the kiss into something more passionate, more loving. He could feel the heat from Karkat's flaring cheeks against his own, he moved Karkat back against the couch, pressing against him, ignoring the pain in his wound. The smaller teen couldn't help quietly moaning into the kiss, his untouched body had grown sensitive over the months, his heart thumping hard in his chest.

"Am I interuptin'?" The voice made the teens flinch, breaking the kiss. Karkat stared confused at the male leaning with his arms crossed in the doorway, that annoying shark like grin of his plastered on his face. "Eridan?" What the hell was he doing here? He knew him and Gamzee were child hood friends, both coming from rich backgrounds and all. Gamzee acted like it was normal for Eridan to have shown up moving to sit back next to Karkat, removing his shirt and bandages. "What motherfuckin' took you so long, brother?" Eridan came into the room, a judgemental look playing about his face at the state it was in, Karkat noticed he was carrying a bag, which was set down by Gamzee, when opened it revealed medical equiptment. "Oh, because I just sit at the fuckin' phone, wwaitin' for your call. I do havve a life, you knoww."

Eridan was studying medicine, which Gamzee took to his advantage, when ever he had been hurt in the proccess of murdering he'd call upon Eridan to tend his serious wounds, having developed some what of a fear about he hospital due to him being a murderer. He asked about how Gamzee's wound came to be, he had the same doubt in his mind that Karkat did, but even he didn't suspect attempted suicide and just tended the wound, sewing it up and bandaging it. "You really should havve gone to the hospital, there only so much I can do as a student, Gam." It was rare for Eridan to show concern, Gamzee just sighed in annoyance and rolled his eyes. "I'm fine, motherfucker. Oh and Karkat need's looking at too."

Gamzee stood up, going for his last faygo in the kitchen leaving Karkat's hands to be tended to by Eridan. It was an awkard silence aside from Karkat's occassional wince, Karkat never really socialized with Eridan so it had always been like that when ever they were alone. "Do... Do you know?" Karkat asked, refering to the murders. Eridan paused chewing he's bottom lip for a moment before saying. "Yes. I'vve alwways knowwn, but I could nevver turn Gam in, he's a friend." His voice seemed guilt ridden, proberly because of all the lives that were taken and while he stayed silent. Karkat did understand though, even if he had ran away from Gamzee, he proberly never go to the police, his feelings for Gamzee wouldn't allow it.

After Karkat was tended to Gamzee saw Eridan out, Eridan giving him extra medical supplies for the wounds to keep them clean, Karkat could over hear a short debate about Gamzee's dark activities before Eridan gave up and left. Gamzee took the supplies to the kitchen, storing them in the cubboard, his wound ached slightly from the stitches, he doubted he could be able to kill again having felt that pain, but there was no telling what he would do when he lost it. Gamzee was a slave to his emotions, whether he'd ever be able to leave the life of a murderer he didn't know. Karkat called for him, not wanting to be alone again, even if Gamzee was only in the other room, he still felt so alone. Gamzee returned to his side, pulling him into his arms nuzzling him. Karkat was his miracle, the one person that even when his emotions took over him, he couldn't stand to hurt. Karkat was Gamzee's everything.


	9. Chapter 9

Gamzee never breathed a word of how he truely came to have the wound, a couple of weeks had past since it had happened. Eridan visited every now and again to make sure it was healing both him and Karkat pressed for more of an explanation, but the stubborn clown stuck to his lie despite how flawed it was. Having to stay around the house more did have it's advantages, he had been able to grow closer to Karkat. They began to trust each other again, he no longer felt the need to lock Karkat away, instead Karkat shared a bed with Gamzee like they used to. Gamzee's rage began to calm so Karkat wasn't as afraid of him anymore. They had developed some what of a normal life again.

But it wasnt truely a normal life. Karkat was still very much a prisoner inside Gamzee's home. Although there were no chain's around Karkat's wrists and he wasn't confined to the one room, his captor returned to being his lover, he still wasn't allowed outside. Even with Gamzee living in the suburbs so city news rarely reached where he lived and the search for Karkat was over, he'd been missing that long they just declared him dead, Gamzee couldn't risk some one recognising Karkat and taking him away from Gamzee. Karkat was the only thing that kept him sane, he needed Karkat to stay with him.

Gamzee did still wonder if Karkat was only with him because he still feared him. Despite the fact they'd cuddle up together at night like they used to, when ever Gamzee tried to take things further with Karkat, the small teen would protest. It wasn't that Karkat was scared of Gamzee, he just hadn't completely forgiven him yet. He was willing to restart the relationship but it still felt like Gamzee was a different person at times, things couldn't just return to how they used to be just like that. Karkat needed time to grow as close to Gamzee as he used to, to be able to trust him like he used to, to be able to fully love him. Gamzee didn't seem to understand this.

Karkat didn't mind having to stay at the house, he didn't have much of a life when he wasn't being a prisoner what he did mind what much of a house wife he was turning into. He sat at Gamzee's draws folding his clothes and placing them in the draws, Gamzee being too lazy to do anything like this for himself, instead his was limping his way to the store to buy more bloody faygo and pie ingredients. God, was Karkat sick of pie. Gamzee was a perfectly good cook why did he insist upon cooking the same thing over and over again? He heared the door click down stairs, the idiot had returned home, there was another set of footsteps along with him, proberly Eridan, Karkat took no notice and continued to play house wife.

Until, it went quiet. He couldn't hear the footsteps, Gamzee didn't greet him and then there was a thud. The small teen froze, he knew that noise all too well, the sound of a body hitting the basement floor. No, he was hearing things, why would Gamzee do that again? He'd been completely fine, nothing had spiked his anger, everything was fine. Karkat flinched as the noise came again, and again, and again. He wasn't imagining it was all too real. If Gamzee was going to return to being like that, then he'd lock Karkat away again. Karkat couldn't go back to that, he couldn't loose Gamzee again. He wouldn't survive it all a second time round.

He shakily brought himself to his feet, creeping down the stairs, inside screaming to just turn away and block out the noises, just go hide under the bed until it was over, but he couldn't let another person die, he couldn't let Gamzee kill again. He stood at the basement door, it was quiet in there, that normally meant it was over, he was too late, but still he had to see. His hand reached for the door in what felt like an eternity of just arguing with himself to turn around in fear, just walk away with his tail between his legs there's, no shame in it. Instead he ignored himself and opened the door. His eyes met a terrible sight.

There lay, unconscious on the floor was Gamzee, blood dripping down his forehead as he struggled to breathe. Looming over him, with the iron poker in hand was the man who should have been the victim. Gamzee's wound made him vulnerable to attack as the victim unexpectedly was able to fight back and Gamzee had lost. "Gamzee!" Karkat flew down the stairs, to Gamzee's side, he didn't care if Gamzee had intented to kill again, he was hurt and need him. He took the lanky teen into his arms, combing the blood dampened hair out of the fresh wound on his head, a bump starting to form there.

Not that he had the time to tend to Gamzee, it wasn't long until the stranger was pointing his weapon at Karkat, presuming he was an accomplice to Gamzees murders. "If you leave now and never speak of this you can live." Karkat attempted to reason but his man was afraid and defensive he wasn't going to listen instead he swung the poker at Karkat was a warning and replied "If you move I'll let you live, but monsters like that need to be put down!"

"He's not a fucking monster!" Karkat snarled, this man knew nothing, he had no right to judge Gamzee, it was clear he wasn't going to stay quiet. He'd have to be dealt with.

Gamzee groaned, holding his aching head he strained to sit up. By now the blood had dried, mixing in with his makeup a nice lump sat under his fringe. It hurt to touch but he felt like his head would just drop off if he didn't. A sudden realisation hit him, he was in the proccess of killing some one when this happened, he fell down and didn't get back up, he'd been knocked out. He began to panic, did they escaped? What if they had told some one? What if they hurt Karkat?

He noticed something else, he wasn't alone in the basement, he heared a sobbing from somewhere, Karkat's crying. He turned to search out the voice, going in and out of dizziness as he did and sure enough Karkat was huddled up in the corner, crying into his knees. Gamzee clumsily crawled over to the smaller teen, uncurling him and pulling him onto his lap, holding him to his chest. The sobbing boy hiccuped his name as he clung to Gamzee, burying into his chest, trying to make himself as small as possible. He was covered in blood, Gamzee searched for a wound but there was none, he didn't seem to be in pain either. He moved to sit against the wall, still feeling dizzy from the wound.

And then he saw it, not to far from where he'd pasted out, was another body, beaten, bleeding, dead. Gamzee didn't kill him, he was knocked out before he had chance, Karkat had. A terrible pain tugged at Gamzee's heart, constricting itself around it, squeezing it. He'd dragged his Karkles into this, his innocent little Karkat had killed to protect him. He didn't want this, he didn't want Karkat to feel that pain. To carry that guilt. His grip tightened around Karkat, curling up around him, it was his fault, he couldn't controll himself now he'd dirtied Karkat's hands too.

He sat there until the dizziness left him, before standing up and carrying the trembling teen upstairs, he could deal with the body later, Karkat needed him now. He set Karkat down in the bathroom, turning on the shower, slowly starting to strip Karkat of the bloody clothes, moving slow so not to startle him. He gave Karkat a light kiss to the forhead hoping it would offer some form of comfort before placing him in the shower, resting his head against the smaller teen's as he washed the dried blood from his hair and body. It didn't bother Gamzee that his head was getting wet, he needed to wash the blood from his own face anyway.

Karkat pulled Gamzee into the shower with him, nuzzling back into Gamzee's shirt, which was now being soaked by shower water. He wanted to be as close to Gamzee as possible, he wanted to know he was okay, that he wouldn't leave again, he wouldn't put himself in more danger Gamzee placed an arm back around Karkat, his other, lifting Karkat's head to kiss him. Karkat blushed having to go up on his toes to meet Gamzee's lips and placed his arms around his shoulders. He pulled at the back of Gamzee's shirt wanting it off, Gamzee answering his actions, shortly breaking the kiss to remove it, pressing their bare torso's against each other, their lips meeting again. Gamzee's hands travelled down Karkat's spine, exploring his sides and hips as they went, Karkat shiving and making the occassional quiet moan.

He lifted the small teen, holding him up against his own body, Karkat's legs wrapping around his hips so he didn't fall. The heated water running off their bodies. The kisses where deep but Gamzee kept them tender as their tongues danced, Karkat was in a fragile state, Gamzee didn't want to rush him. He decided the shower wasn't a good enough place to rebond with Karkat this way, turning it off and wrapping a towel around Karkat, the smaller teen's lips travelled down to Gamzee's neck as he did, claiming it as his own, leaving small hickeys as he nipped and suckled at the skin, Gamzee biting back a moan as he carried him to the bedroom, to do this properly.

Gamzee laid Karkat down on the bed, being dragged down on top of Kakat, their lips reuniting again as the tenderness turned to lust, he pulled the covers around them, using the towel as an excuse to caress Karkat's body, the moans coming out louder now as Karkat raised his chest to meet Gamzee's hands. He brought the towel back up under Karkat's head, caressing through his hair, slowing down for a moment just gaze into those, fragile, needy eyes. Karkat pulled the rest of the towel over Gamzee's head, mimicking the actions, completely closed off from the rest of the world under the covers, just lost in eachother's eyes. Karkat placed his arms back around Gamzee, pulling him closer, moanig as the taller teen rolled his hips into him. Gamzee's cheeks were completely flushed, he was short of breath, Karkat could feel his arousal pressing against him through the damp pants, his body trembling with need.

He lightly kissed Karkat's lips, as if to apologize for being in that state, even if it was Karkat's fault for making him like that. He didn't want to take it further, he was afraid he'd be taking advantage of Karkat while he was vulnerable, but he couldn't help it. His body was starting to ache with want. Karkat gave a warm smile at the innocense in Gamzee, returning the kiss and whispering "It's okay, Gamzee." He let his hands travell down Gamzee's body to pull the pants from Gamzee's hips. "You're sure?" Gamzee asked, he had to be certain it was what Karkat wanted before he took it any further, he was not going back to square one after all this. Giving a bashful nod, Karkat bit his lip as he felt Gamzee press against his entrance, moaning and arching his back as he was stretched.

The smaller teen clung to him, as Gamzee slowly pushed his way in, pausing for a moment waiting for Karkat to settle before he moved, despite how much his body begged for him to just let loose, he couldn't risk damaging Karkat. Karkat squeezed his eyes shut, it had been so long, he felt so tender, he squirmed trying to adjust to Gamzee's size, it hurt slightly, but he liked it "nggh, Gamzee" He pleaded, burying his head into Gamzee's shoulder, as Gamzee answered his plea, starting to slowly thrust inside of him. Each thrust sent chills up his spine, Gamzee pushing deeper inside him with every one. His heart pounded in his chest he rolled his hips, meeting Gamzee's thrusts. The air trapped between the sheets, growing heated and steamed, filling with the noises of panting and moans.

Gamzee felt himself nearing his edge already, he knew it wouldn't last long with how long they'd been untouched, he couldn't even slow down and make it last longer, his body's needs had taken controll by now, he thrust harder into Karkat, making the teen below him near screams with pleasure. Gamzee growled as Karkat dug his nails into his back and bit into his shoulder, tender was out of the question now, they never did it that way. "Gamzee!" Karkat screamed as he hit his climax, he shuddred feeling a wave of heat and cold hit him all at once, tensing up, Gamzee following shortly after feeling the smaller male tighten around him.

The two bodies collapsed onto the bed, Gamzee trembled lightly, placing more apologetic kisses against Karkat's neck, convincing himself he'd done something wrong, afraid of loosing Karkat again. Karkat ran his hand through the clown's dampened hair as he caught his breath, gently whispering "shh.. It's okay, Gamzee, shhh.." Until he was reassured enough to fall asleep cuddled up to his Karkat.


	10. Chapter 10

Karkat scrubbed at the basement floor. Blood every where and he had spilled it, he couldn't stand it, he needed to get rid of it. No matter how hard he tried, it wouldn't go, there was always some where he had missed always more in the corner of his vision, he scrubbed until the frabrics of the cloth started to come loose. He had killed a man, he beat him to death and even when he stop stirring he continued. He couldn't even use the excuse Gamzee did, that he just blanked out and couldn't control what happened in his fits of rage, because he knew what he had done, he had complete control of himself, he knew beating that man woud kill him and still he did it.

He only did it to protect Gamzee, he gave the victim the choice to walk away and he didn't listen. He wanted to take Gamzee away from Karkat, so he paid for it. Karkat was only protecting Gamzee, it was an acceptable reason. Then again, Gamzee was a murderer himself, he killed an innocent man to protect a murderer, that just made his excuse worse. He was worse then Gamzee. He knew what he was doing, he knew there was no reasonable explanation, he was no better then dirt. The fact he was even trying to make an excuse for killing someone make his stomach churn.

He sickened himself, his pitiful excuse sickened him, the blood around him tipped the feeling over the scales. He couldn't swallow the lump burning in his throat, he huddled over, thowing up onto the basement flooring. He wiped his lips, the horrid taste in his mouth making him want to hurl again. "Karkles?" Gamzee stood at the top of the stairs, just watching the small teen, watching the guilt consume him. Finally deciding that Karkat wasn't going to be able to be rid of it by himself, he made his way down the stairs.

Karkat flinched, he hadn't realised he was being watched. He looked up to see Gamzee, shuffling away from his stomach's upbringing. Gamzee sighed, crouching down by Karkat and taking the cloth from him. "There isn't any blood Karkles." Of course there wasn't Gamzee had woke in the night to clean down here and dispose of the body so Karkat wouldn't have to greet the mess in the morning. But guilt had Karkat blinded, how could Gamzee not see it, it was everywhere. "It's all over the fucking basement!" He protested, reaching for the cloth again, Gamzee just lifted it up so he couldn't reach it, using the other arm to hold Karkat. "No there isn't, I cleaned the basement."

"Then why do I see it?" Karkat whimpered, nuzzling Gamzee's chest, he knew the answer it was guilt, he was drowning in it. Gamzee tossed the cloth aside lifting Karkat up to take him away from the basement, the last thing he needed was to be down there. "Because of me. I'm a selfish mother fuckin' bastard and I left you to finish what I started." Gamzee stated placing Karkat on the couch before going to the kitchen to get Karkat a drink, not giving him the oppotunity to argue the point. Karkat sat silently waiting for Gamzee to come back, his words shocked him, he hadn't realised until this point that Gamzee had felt any guilt about what he did last night.

It wasn't Gamzee's fault, Karkat chose to kill that man. It'd be wrong for Karkat to place any blame on Gamzee, even if Gamzee was stupid enough to try and kill some one while there was a hole healing in his stomach. Okay, so maybe Gamzee was slightly to blame, but Karkat was the on who killed last night, Gamzee shouldn't be feeling guilty about it. Gamzee shortly returned handing Karkat a glass of water for Karkat to cleanse his mouth with he moved to strip off Karkat's clothes, which he'd thrown up on, placing one of his own shirts on him. It was clearly too big for Karkat, it came down onto his thighs, but that was the last of Karkat's clean clothes so it would have to do for now.

Gamzee had straightened out the front room by that point. It looked bare compared to how it used to, a lot of decorations, objects and memories where broken when Gamzee had lashed out in here. Only the bigger objects Gamzee had only managed to push over and not throw across the room had survived.

"You're not a selfish bastard. Granted, you are unbelievably stupid. You're not those other things." Karkat finally spoke tapping the glass in his hand, staring down at it, he never did look at people when he attempted to say something somewhat... possitive or well, as possitive as a Karkat could manage. Gamzee smiled, he knew Karkat well enough to know that was a compliment of sorts, he sighed moving to his tv, the remote had been lobbed somewhere during the attack on the living room and he never found it again. He turned it on, setting it to video, placing in a tape, obviously an old movie if it was still on video and not a dvd. He moved back to sit next to Karkat as the movie started.

"Princess Bride? Are you fucking serious?" Gamzee chuckled, pulling Karkat's head onto his lap gently stroking his hair. "You know you motherfuckin' love this movie." Karkat grumbled a 'I do not' in denile as he watched the begining to which Gamzee replied. "You bought it." Karkat sighed in defeat, nuzzling Gamzee's lap, hugging a thigh in one arm, attempting to keep a straight face as the movie played, he did love that movie. He'd occasinaly reached to tug the shirt over his thigh's, Gamzee found that adorable. Gamzee wasn't really into this type of movie, but he didn't mind, he was spending time with his Karkles and that's all that mattered.

Once the movie had finished Gamzee got up to go to the bathroom, Karkat took out his glass, rinsing it out and placing on the drying rack. The movie had distracted him from his guilty feelings for a short while. Coming back out the kitchen he came face to door with the basement. He stared at it, the guilt hitting him again, for a moment he could have sworn he saw blood seeping out from under the doorway. He tried telling himself it was all in his head, he mentally demanded his body to move, but all it did was shake in defiance, forcing him to stare at that door.

Gamzee frowned as he came down stairs to meet Karkat just stood there staring at the door, he wasn't helping himself. Karkat was making it worse for himself. Gamzee pulled the smaller male away from the door, not that he took any notice of it, he just continud to stare as Gamzee sat him back down, he knelt down infront of Karkat prevent him from seeing the door. "Karkles, stop it." He leaned forward lightly kissing his lips. "I can't help it." He replied apologetically, avoiding the other's gaze.

The clown stood back up, telling Karkat he'd be gone for a moment before leaving the room, flipping open his phone as he did. Karkat heard his footsteps going upstairs, there was the sound of rumaging around for a couple of minutes before he came back down stairs. There was a moment of quiet before Gamzee came back intot the room, carrying some clothes. "Here." He handed the clothes to Karkat, they were Gamzee's, he pulled on the clothes that were far too big for him, a pair for long shorts of Gamzee's looked like three quarter pants on Karkat and a hoodie. Gamzee pulled up the hood, which hid Karkat's face perfectly before pulling him to his feet.

"Gamzee?" Karkat was pulled along confused, in the Gamzee picked up a suitcase in the hallway before heading out with karkat to a car parked out front. "We're moving." He said before sitting in the back seats with Karkat. The driver pulled off, Karkat constantly forgot how rich Gamzee's family was. How many houses he owned. He looked to Gamzee in confusion for more of an explanation. "You can't stay there. You'll tear yourself apart, I know I've been though what you're going through now." Karkat nodded and slumped against Gamzee's arm, staring out the one way glass, it had been so long since he'd seen the outside. As the sights passed by, the normal people, with their normal lives, they all took it for granted. They had no idea how complicated life could be, how lucky they are.


	11. Chapter 11

_Hello readers, I'm realy sorry for the delay in with this story, hopefully I should be updating regularly, like I used too. This chapter was going to be longer but after making you wait so long I decided to cut it short and split it in two. So... Enjoy ^^;_

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><p>Karkat fidgited in his seat, the journey so far had been pretty much silent, he'd pressed his head against the window watching as the suburbs turned to city then back to suburbs, passing though town after town. They stopped for fuel but Karkat never left the car. He couldn't, for one he looked stupid in Gamzee's clothes and two Gamzee wouldn't risk someone recognising him. Gamzee had said earlier that where they were going there'd be hardly any risk of that happening and he could go out again, as long as Gamzee was with him of course.<p>

Sighing he pulled his face away from the window to examine the one with him. It was odd for Gamzee to be so still and quiet. Despite being happy about the move meaning he could go outside again, Karkat couldn't help feeling alittle guilty, it was his prison but it was still Gamzee's home. "Aside from last night, why are we leaving?" He finally asked, Gamzee exhaled, blinking back to reality "Too many motherfuckers 'round there" The lanky teen stared out his own window, watching as they past by person after person, God he hated people, taking life and all it's miracles for granted always complaining about trivial things, they didn't deserve the gifts they were given, greedy little people always wanting more. "But, you lived in the suburb there's hardy too many pe-"

"There's too many!" Gamzee snapped back, Karkat didn't understand, he couldn't understand what constantly went through his mind, the thoughts and opinions he had, the gory visions he couldn't stop from playing over and over, every person he saw, he imagined their death, their screams, the shades of red in their veins spilling, spraying, pouring in all directions. The way the bodies would lay mangled on the floor, the lifeless expressions they'd have as the light left their eyes. Men, women, elderly and even the young, he couldn't help it, as much as he didn't want to see it, it was always there. Each death unique, each in it's sick way was special. He bit back a growl as visions started again, clawing at his thighs in attempts to tame his mind, dots of blood forming under the fabrics of his pants. "An' none of them deserve to live. They can all motherfuckin' die."

Gamzee flinched as Karkat placed a hand on his cheek, "Don't touch me" His voice breaking as he spoke, it came out more as a whimper then the threat he had intended it to be, which only made the smaller teen even more concerned for Gamzee, moving closer to him, to pull him into an embrace. Gamzee tensed, he wanted to hug back, to hide his face away in Karkat's shoulder, but he feared if he relaxed now, he'd loose control and hurt Karkat. The small hands combed through his hair, Karkat shooshing him, bringing out a whimper from Gamzee's throat, giving up Gamzee clung to the smaller teen, his anger turning to tears hanging from the thick lashes framing his eyes. Karkat fell back across the car's seats under the unexpected weight, he squirmed alittle trying to find as comfy of a position he could get, before returning to comforting Gamzee lightly kissing his forhead. "What happened to 'life's a miracle'?"

"Some miracles weren't supposed to happen." The lanky teen mumbled into Karkat's shoulder, unlike Karkat he wasn't so bothered about the fall and just snuggled up to the smaller teen. "Don't the messiahs or whatever the fuck you called them, decide that?" Gamzee paused for a moment, suprised that Karkat actually listened to his babbling about miracles and then he just giggled, before proping up his head, that childish grin playing about his mouth. "I am the messiah." Karkat was less impressed with the statement, he rolled his eyes, lightly butting Gamzee's head, "No, you're a fuckin' moron." The visions of death began to leave Gamzee as he calmed again. He forgot about the people he hated it was just him and Karkat, as they used to be, Gamzee talking nonsense and Karkat calling him an idiot. Giving a sigh he rested back against Karkat's shoulder.

They stayed like that for a moment, until Gamzee noticed something, sitting back up he realised the car wasn't moving. The car was stuck in a large que, he didn't like that, the road they were on wasn't large enough to be a busy road, it should be on calm one, confused he asked the driver if he could see the cause of the problem, to which he replied. "The police, they're doing checks on who's going where, because of all the disappearances and murders recently." The clown tensed at his words, he clawed his nails into the leather of the seats under him, the police just couldn't stay out of it, they had to screw with everything didn't they? He couldn't let them see Karkat, they'd take him away, if he was caught with a missing person right after Tavros' death everything would be over. They'd find out, he'd go to prison, he'd never see his Karkles again.

"Turn around!" He demanded, he wouldn't let it happen. "I can't, if I did that now, they'd see and only become suspicous." He dug his nails deeper into the leather gritting his teath as he thought. He'd have to talk to the police, he knew how to talk his way round them, he just couldn't let them recognise Karkat. He leaned back over to Karkat pulling up the hood on his hoodie, giving him a Kiss. Karkat kissed back, placing his arms around Gamzee, similar thought had been going through his mind, if the police recognised him, Gamzee would end up in prison, Gamzee wouldn't survive a prison, his mind was too fragile for it. Neither of them wanted to pull away from the brief kiss knowing that may very well be their last, but they forced themselves to, Gamzee told Karkat to stay quiet while he talked to the police and prayed for a miracle.

The car pulled up for their inspection, the police tapped the window, signalling for Gamzee to wind it down. He was greeted by a farmiliar face, "Oh.. Hey there Gamzee." The male smiled at him, leaning against the door, it was one of police that had been invetigating Tavros's murder. "S'up my brother?" The lanky teen relaxed slightly, if they knew Gamzee it would be easier to talk them round. Karkat attempted to sit still, fiddling with his fingers out of nerves. For months all he thought about was escaping, getting away from Gamzee and now he had the chance he didn't want to, he didn't want a life with out Gamzee, even if he had taken a dark path in life, Karkat still loved him. He listened to Gamzee's ramblings of miracles and how stupid he sounded, it was hard to beleive that Gamzee could make himself out to be that dumb.

It wasn't long before the conversation turned to Karkat. "Who's your little friend?" Karkat swallowed as Gamzee told them he was shy and a second knocking came from Karkat's window, they wanted to talk to him. "I'm going to have to asked you to let us see your face." He had no choice but to do as he was told, it'd look bad if he didn't, he pulled down the hood, keeping his face forwards, it was obvious he was uncomfortable, the officer turned away for a moment, flicking through files while Gamzee continued to talk off the other's ear. All was going well, Gamzee had manged to convince the officer that everything about them was normal, when, "Karkat Vantas?" They froze. The files the other officer was going through were missing person files. Theirsilence was enough to confirm Karkat's identity. "What are you doing with a missing person in your car, Gamzee?"

Gamzee stuttered, he hadn't prepared for this. His mind went completely blank there was no excuse for this. "We're going to have to ask you to step out of the car." He had only seconds to think of something, anything. He couldn't tell the driver to go, they had no clear roadway, the officers were going to be armed so fighting back wasn't an option either. For now he'd have to play nice and obey. Taking a deep breath Gamzee did as told, he needed to remain calm and think of a solution, he stood still as he was inspected for a weapon. Which would had worked if he hadn't of seen his Karkles being escourted out of the car and away from himself. "Don't touch him." He glared at the officer infront of him, he just smirked ignoring the command, giving a growl Gamzee warned them again not to touch his miracle.

The small teen stopped, he knew the look Gamzee was giving, if they took him any futher away from the lanky teen, he'd flip. He'd completely lose it. The officer tried nudging Karkat along, telling him it was okay, that Gamzee couldn't hurt him, that he was safe. Of course he was, he knew he was safe, he wasn't the one they needed to worry about. Despite his stopping the officer continued to try and push him along to the car and just as Karkat had predicted Gamzee snapped.


	12. Chapter 12

The small teen sat in silence in the station's questioning room. Just him a table and the one way glass opposite him. His eyes wide, darting about as he thought, but his mind was a mess, he couldn't think straight. He tried to process the events that just happened, wait what did happen? He couldn't remember, no he didn't want to, his eyes drowned in his tears when he thought over it.

They wouldn't listen to him, they didn't understand why Gamzee had lashed out. He couldn't get to him, he couldn't help Gamzee, he could only watch as it unfolded infront of him. Some miracle he was. Gamzee hadn't counted on them having guns. He didn't think they'd actually shoot. Karkat dropped his head, staring down at his clothes.. Gamzee's clothes, the blood stains. These were real, still wet, seeping through the clothes on to his skin. He shuddered at the thought of it, Gamzee's blood. The tears flooded his sore eyes again, he couldn't bare it. They shot him. He started trembled violently at the reality of it, holding himself, trying to steady himself but it was useless.

They shot him and all he could do was watch. Watch as he still pushed himself to get to Karkat, they were only inches away when he collasped. He start to lash out himself then, screaming for them to let go as they dragged him back, just to hold him. His Gamzee. To tell him that'd he'd be okay, it was a dream, the pain wasn't real.

That he loves him.

It wasn't fair, he just wanted to hold him. To tell him that just once. No, that wasn't good enough, he wanted to say it over and over again as if it would ease his pain. He wanted to hear Gamzee say it back, to have Gamzee call him his Karkles again, to say that he was his. But they wouldn't let him, they treated Gamzee like he was dead already, but he wasn't, Karkat could see his heavy, frightened breathing, they hadn't shot to kill just wound. So why was it so bad that Karkat wanted to go back to him, to hold him until he was tended to.

He tried telling them, Gamzee would freak out if Karkat wasn't there when he woke up, that he'd lash out again. But they didn't listen to him, they stuck him in the back of the car and drove off. Karkat started lashing out himself again, in the car, in the station, they locked him in here saying "It was for his own safty". But he'd given up now, the scenes just kept he replaying themselves in his head, over and over slowly breaking him. Mocking him about how useless he was. How he couldn't help Gamzee.

He rested his tired head on the cool surface of the desk, trying to forget it all, just for a moment pretend that none of this happened, that he and Gamzee were just normal boyfriends, with normal lives, just happy together. But he couldn't, every time he closed his eyes, he'd hear the gun shot, the inhuman noise of pain that Gamzee made and the thud of his body hitting the ground. He thrashed again in the seat, banging on the table, pulling at his hair, anything, something he just needed it all to stop. Weakly crying for Gamzee as he calmed again.

He was in the for atleast an hour before anybody came in. He'd stopped lashing out by now, he didn't have the energy, not even to cry, he just stared at the table. The officer that had pulled him away came back in accompanied by a seemly kind looking female colleague. He dispised that officer, it was his fault Gamzee had been shot, the woman announced herself for the recorder as a psychiatrist, great, they thought he was insane too. Thinking about it, he proberly was.

The interview began with simple questions not that Karkat paid any attention to them, he just looked past them at the one way glass. They asked things like whether Gamzee had hurt him, did he witness the murders, did Gamzee ever make him hurt anyone. He didn't answer any of them, and when they'd said his name to get his attention he just shrugged. Finally they decided they wouldn't get anything out of him and sat back with a sigh, turning of the recorder.

"Where's Gamzee?" He asked, it was little more then a whisper, due the crying and shouting making his throat sore. That and the fear of asking this question, no matter what they said it wouldn't be good. But the answer he was given, nothing could have prepared him for it. Tears welled in his eyes again, his heart tightened and his stomach churned, he couldn't breath. He couldn't process it. "What?"

"Gamzee's dead. Sadly he wouldn't let us treat him, he ran off and when we caught up to him, he had already bled to death."

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><p><strong>I want to make a note here. This is not the ending of the fic. So don't flip stuff at me -hides- ... Yet.<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

'Dead' It just kept on playing over in his head. Gamzee was dead. Bled to death. Karkat warned them, he wouldn't let them do anything if he wasn't there. They didn't listen and Gamzee died because he was so useless. He couldn't even help the one he loved.

Their voices were a blur, he couldn't hear anything they said as they tried to calm him, failed to sooth him. He just sat there and sobbed, tears streaming down his face, soaking up into the clothes with Gamzee's blood. That idiot, that clown had become everything to Karkat, he didn't have anything else. So what was the point in him being here, what was the point of Karkat's life? There was no point. He was pointless, useless, there was no need from him at all.

He found another emotion, he could feel it growing in the pit of his stomach as a second thought came to mind. They let him die. They killed him. He felt the same surge of rage flow through him as the time he found Gamzee knocked unconscious in the basement. He didn't care anymore, he just lashed out. He raged, he kicked and screamed away from the officer restraining him, the table was flipped over, he just threw the chair at them. He wanted to just trash and destroy everything he came across. Shouting curses, blame and insults, anything that came to mind. He was blinded by his hurt and rage.

But more then anything else, he wanted them to shoot. Karkat saw no reason in anything, so he wanted them to shoot him, like they did Gamzee. To just wanted to end it, he didn't want to feel anything anymore, he wanted to be free of this life, his emotions, his memories, everything. He wanted numbness, it all to just fade away and for there to be nothing. He wanted to die.

His face hit against the cold floor, how it happened he didn't know, but he had been pinned. At some point in the fit of emotions, the officer and managed to get a hold of him and pin him down, sitting his weight firmly on Karkat's back and twisting one hand behind his back, the other held by his face, so the was no room for stuggling. Their voices finally came into tune, he could hear the woman telling him to calm down, be still. Her hand was petting his hair. He still refused, a snarl almost left his mouth and he spat out more curses.

Something was jabbed to his neck, an icy liquid spread through his veins, until it warmed to his blood. A drowsiness crept over him, his whole body went into a state for forced relaxation. This wasn't the numbness he wanted to feel, but it was impossible to fight it. His eyes grew heavy as everything around him turn dark and silent.

Until it started again, the bang, the scream, the thud.

Bang. Scream. Thud.

Over and over again. The blood spraying out and him helpless to stop it from happening. As quick as it was over, his mind replayed it.

Bang. Scream. Thud.

**1 week later**

A terrible scream left the teen's lips, as he shot up from his slumber, kicking the sheets tangled to his body, in his confusion and fear he fell out of the bed, crashing to floor below. The fresh pain in the back of his head brought him back to reality. His skin was damp with sweat and tears, he lay on his back staring up at the ceiling. Where was he again? Groaning his sat up examining his surroundings. A simple room, white walls with a white bed. The door to the room was locked shut. That's right, this was his room now. His little room in an Insane Asylum.

They deemed him officailly insane. The reasons being his constant nightmares, his refusal to speak, eat, drink or sleep. The confession he made of just wanting to die. Mainly, for loving a murderer. So they stuck him in here, saying that they'd help him, that he'd be normal again. He couldn't be that, he was beyond any means of help, the only one he'd listen to was dead. They couldn't help him, they just gave him medication to stop him for lashing out and force him to sleep. He refused pills so they had to inject his medication into him, if he was co-operative they just inject it into his arms, but if he refused it normally meant him having to be pinned down again and it injected into is neck.

It wasn't uncommon for him to be bruised because of it all, his arm and neck was now speckled with little dots from the injections. Sighing he stood and wondered around, having nothing to do, but he knew they were watching him, if he just sat there they'd presume he was having another episode, as they called it and he didn't want to see them right now. He ran his hand over a little set of draws, his change of clothes in there, white shirts with with pants, nothing to stimulate or spark unwanted emotions. They were the simplest of clothes, no lace, no string, no buttons or elastic. Obviously to keep him from attempting suicide again.

He paused hearing the lock of the door click, a young female doctor stepped in shutting the door behind her. He watched her move close to him, saying his name, he just stared in response, like an animal caught in the path of a human unsure whether to accept her or run. "Mr. Vantas, we heared you shout, is everything okay?" He shook his head and looked away from her, if he was okay he wouldn't be here, he'd be with Gamzee wouldn't he? Not here, not in this prison. She asked the obvious follow up question of what was wrong. He just stared at the wall for a moment, before quietly speaking. "I want Gamzee."

"I'm sorry, Karkat. We've talked about this, remember? He died."

"You're lying.." He felt the tears in his eyes again, these words, he just couldn't accept them. It didn't matter how much they told him that, how much he tried to accept it, he couldn't. She repeated what she said, he felt his body cringe at the words, he felt the anger boiling inside him again. "You're Lying!" Once again he lashed out, more doctors were quick to enter the room on hold him down. They gave him a chance to calm by himself, just holding him down, but it only angered him more, so once again they used medication.

He didn't want to sleep, the nightmares would start all over again. But he was powerless to stop it. The tears fell from his eyes at his helplessness. His world once again turned back.

Bang. Screaming. Thud.

Bang. Screaming. Thud.

A familiar room came into view. Purple painted walls, a closet and drawer set and computer desk, scattered with familiar belongings, little trinkets, old pieces of nothing that most would call junk, that a certain some one intisted upon collecting. Seeing this room brought Karkat comfort, but it hurt at the same time, this wasn't real, it wouldn't be like this anymore and he knew it. It made him feel sick, the thought of people going through here, some one else being here, this was Gamzee's home, not their's. They'd call it the home of a monster, but he wasn't that.

He turned to see the rest of the room, in a messy condition as it always was. His eyes meeting with Gamzee's bedset. His heart almost lept when he realised some one was in it, asleep, bundled up in the covers. The familiar mess of curly hair, poked out the covers, splaying out onto the pillows. "...Gamzee?" No reply. He moved closer, sitting on the side of the bed, giving he shoulder a gentle shake, "Gamzee?" Again no reply. He turned the teen on his back, brushing the curls out of Gamzee's face.

It was pale, dead looking. His nose and mouth completely still not a single sign of life. It became clear to Karkat he wasn't just dead looking he was dead. He turned away, feeling sick again, was this his mind's sick way of telling him to just accept it? He wanted to cry but there were no more tears left. Then, out of the corner of his eye he noticed something. It stirred. Gamzee's body had moved. He was on his side again, but facing Karkat this time. He shuddered at the thought. It couldn't have moved he was dead.

Not wanting to be sat next to the body anymore Karkat stood. When Gamzee's hand latched onto his wrist, holding him there. He could feel his own heart beat against the cold dead hand, he forced himself to turn back to face Gamzee. This time, the covers were red with blood. His chest was bleeding out from the bullet wound, his stomach too, from the time he stabbed himself, his forehead from the crowbar. Every wound Karkat could remember him having was there, blood seeping out, staining Gamzee's pale skin. His eye were open, sunken, lifeless, dead eyes stared straight at him.

"Do you love me Karkles?" It spoke in an almost tormenting tone. Karkat was frozen, he just stared he didn't know what to make of the situation, exept that it terrified him. It asked him the same question, tugging his arm, so he stepped closer to him. Scared of getting any closer Karkat spoke. "Y-Yeah.. 'Course I do" It gave a gentle smile, if it weren't for the blood, it would have almost looked like Gamzee again, Karkat calmed again for a moment. It asked him to say that he loves him, it started to sound like Gamzee too. He sat back on the edge of the bed and told him that he loved him, Gamzee continued to ask him to say it and he said it over and over.

It's smile disappeared. Everything that had started to look more like Gamzee again, disappeared and it's expression became full of rage and hate. Karkat's heart lept again as it dragged him down on to the bed, holding him under it's own weight. It brought it's free hand to Karkat's neck, squeezing and choking him "Then why did you let me die!" The small teen attempted to scream and plea, he thrashed against the thing above him, but it wouldn't budge, he kept saying he was sorry and I love you's but it wouldn't listen, it didn't care. It was trying to kill him shouting "Why?" blaming Karkat for his death.

Once again, Karkat woke up screaming and crying.


	14. Chapter 14

Time couldn't heal his pain. Two months had passed and Karkat was still just as distressed over the news of Gamzee's death. Infact it just worsened with time. The wound in his heart, just festered, rotting him away from the inside. In his depression and isolation he'd fallen completely silent, he wouldn't talk to anyone, the only time any noise left his lips was when he woke up screaming or crying from the constant over played nightmares. No matter how many times he dreamt the same thing, he couldn't change it. Just like he couldn't change the reality of Gamzee's death.

And this damn white room, with it's white funiture and white clothes was driving him insane. Oh, wait he already was insane wasn't he, that's why he was here. The room was so bleak and plain. So empty, just like himself. Maybe it suited him, in that way. He was just as isolated and empty as this room.

He currently stood on the head of the bed, his pillow kicked to one side, trying to peer out of the highly placed and small window, with thick bars dressing it. He could just about see the gardens outside, the other patients being walked about, or sat in groups with the doctors. His right to go outside was taken away from him along with everything else. He'd tried running away too many times, or he was too agressive with the other patients. He sighed slumping back down to a sit, grabbing his pillow and holding it to his chest, as a subsitute from actual human contact.

The loneliness ate at him the most. Even when Gamzee kept him down in the basement, he was never really lonely, he knew the clown was just upstairs most of the time. The loneliness left him with nothing to think about but missing Gamzee, wanting Gamzee, needing Gamzee. He squeezed the pillow tighter in his arms, burying his head into the soft fabrics. If only it were warm too, he could pretend it was Gamzee's shoulder he was nuzzling into and it was Gamzee's body he was clinging so tightly to. He curled up around the pillow, trying to forget everything but Gamzee, pretending like he was there with him. God, he felt so pathetic.

Karkat looked back up, hearing the locks of the door click, which meant it was either time for more mediction or therapy. A male doctor came through the doorway, Karkat guessed he was new because he was a lot less formal then the other doctors and only started to visit Karkat a couple of days ago, until now he'd always been acompanied by an older member of the staff. He gave the huddled teen a smile, the type of smile that just said, I'm better then you and I'm going to make it known. So Karkat shrugged off his presense and stared at the wall aside the bed, leaning his head back on the pillow. "Hey, Karkat. I saw Gamzee."

His head popped back up. Saw Gamzee? Then he's alive. His heart felt like it stopped at the thought, no it fluttered or imploded or something, he couldn't controll what it was doing right now. His lip quivered to a parting, he wanted to demand to know where Gamzee was, but he'd been quiet that long, he just couldn't find his voice, it didn't help that he had a massive lump of hope in his throat. Instead he raised a brow in curiousity trying to get the message across. To which the doctor just grinned wider and continued. "Yeah I passed him in graveyard.. He was having a corpse party, six feet under."

The words hit him like a stab wound the his chest and the male's mocking laugh was the blade being twisted. He knew exactly what his heart was doing now, it was breaking. All over again, the hurt engulfed him. His eyes stung as the tears built up, but he refused to let them fall he wouldn't give the bastard that pleasure. He wanted to lunge himself at him, but he just didn't have the energy anymore and it only led to being sedated again. He squeezed the pillow in his hands, tearing at it with his nails, trying to vent the hurt in anyway that wasn't tears. He could vaguely hear the doctor moving and talking, mostly just repeating how Gamzee was dead, until a second doctor over heard him and came to scold him.

He felt the bed dip as the other doctor came and sat by him, petting his hair, trying to gt his attention. Karkat knew her, she was the one who'd sit with him for an hour a day in therapy, trying to explain that Gamzee was dead, to make him come to terms with it. To explain what a bad person Gamzee was, like she knew him. He hated her. Out of either pity or the fact she couldn't be bothered dealing with him, he was once again sudated. Before he even realised it had happened, he was drifting off the sleep. Which never helped, the same nightmare tormented him and it always started with that,

Bang. Scream. Thud.

Bang. Scream. Thud.

...

"Hey there, Karkles"

...Wait, that was different.

The nurse sat typing away at her computer, apointments, patient schedules and emails. She took a sip of her coffee, something no doctor or nurse could live with out before noticing the young male enter the waiting room. She stood to meet him, getting the visitor papers ready.

He looked barely twenty, possibly still a teen but definately late teens. He look very smart in the suit and walked as if he should have a cane or something like that under his arm, not like a limp, but like those thought they own everywhere they went. "How may I help you?" She asked, sliding the papers over the counters, it was a pointless question, he was obviouly a visitor, he was too smartly dressed to belong to this place. "I'm here to see a Karkat Vantas." She bit her lip going through the list of patients, why did his surname have to begin with a V? "I'm afraid his condition has him on the no visitors list."

She cupped he mug for another swig of coffee, when he placed his hands firmly over hers, looking pleadingly at her. "Please, I need to see him, just once" She looked down at her mug, his soft hand and back to those begging eyes, but gave no answer so he went on. "You see, I'm his cousin. We're the only family each other have. When he went missing I was torn apart and to find him in this place.. I just need to see him once... Just once." His voice grew quiet towards the end as he hung his head low, his hands giving her's a light squeeze as another plea.

A sigh left her lips, her expression softening, she couldn't deny this one harmless family visit. "Okay, but just once. Although, his medication has him sleeping right now, you mustn't wake him." He nodded at the answer, unable to stop the glee spreading to his face. "I won't, I just need to see him, that's all. Thankyou." With that he let her hands go as she gave him the room number and he skipped down the hallway pointed out to him. He paused Karkat's door, hearing a clatter of office supplied drop to the floor accompanied by the sound of a body. Looking back he could see the nurse collapsed on the floor, grinning at the fact the stupid woman hadn't noticed the pill he slipped in the coffee. Honestly with being a nurse, you'd think she knew better.

Quietly, he unlocked the door and he snuck inside the room, closing the door behind him. For a moment he just looked at Karkat, lay on his back with his arms at his side, asleep. He'd obviously been positioned that way, it wasn't a natural way to sleep, he almost looked dead. But the movement of his chest as he breathed reassured the stranger he was alive. Without a sound he moved across the room to sit on the edge of the bed, his fingers reached out to lightly stroke the small teen's cheek. He looked down at Karkat adoringly, but his eyebrows furrowed, the idea that Karkat had been locked away in here, hurt and angered him.

He couldn't resist it any longer, he waited so long to see him again, the stranger scooped Karkat up in his arms, placing him in his lap holding the teen close, as Karkat's head fell on his shoulder. He felt a sugre of excitement and flow through him, he rose with Karkat in his arms, a giggle leaving him, which turned to a full on laugh as he tiwrled for amoment. The childish grin placed about his lips. Exhaling he looked back at the sleeping teen's face, his long black lashes, intertwining together, the relaxed expression was both adorable and unsuiting on him. And his lips, he sat back down as he focused on his light pinkish shaded lips, he let his hand leave karkat's legs to stroke them, they felt so soft.

Giving up, he let himself lean in to a place a kiss on Karkat's lips, he felt them twitch slightly in reaction but the teen barely stirred. He held it there for a moment, making up for the time he had missed, before pulling away an combing his locks of hair between his fingers. In a hushed tone he spoke into Karkat's ears.

"Hey there, Karkles."


	15. Chapter 15

The world around him was silent, dark and silent. The only noise was of his own breathing, the faint sound of his heart beat in his chest. Karkat was sure he was still asleep, this is what it was like when you were asleep but not dreaming, right? A comforting silent darkness. There was no pain in his heart, he couldn't remember what had soothed it, or why it had been hurting, for a short moment he felt peace.

Slowly, his sweet silence was disturbed by the world coming back to him. The scents and sounds crept back, though, they weren't the things he remembered from the room at the asylum, he didn't recognise any of them. It felt like forever since he'd been outside of the asylum, he didn't even know whether he was outside or they were just teasing him again. He felt warmth on one side of his face, like sunlight from a window. He could feel the soft bedding under him, the covers over him. He was begining to wake.

He stirred for a moment before settling, trying to fight away the urge to wake up and explore where he was. He wanted to feel that peace again, but it had already faded, his memories had come back to him and his heart was heavy and broken again. He remebered being sudated, the nightmares started creeping into his mind again, when he had heard something. After that it had all faded into the darkness. What was it he heard, well his mind decided it'd let that part go unremembered. Sitting up he streatched out, running his hands through his messy hair, trying to pry at his mind to remember.

It was useless. It wasn't going to come back to him. He decided to move on from that and figure out where he was. His eyes scanned the large bed room he was currently sat in. The wall were wooden, it gave cabin type of feeling, but this room was massive it couldn't have been some tiny cabin. It didn't look old either. He could see the wiring to the lights on the ceiling, the huged flatscreen T.V Hung on the wall opposite him, there was a set off glass siding doors to his right, leading onto a balcany aswell. There were other typical pieces of furniture you'd expect to find in a bedroom, but it didn't look as if it belonged to anyone. There was no sign of personal posessions anywhere.

A familiar scent filled his nostrails. Food. On the bedside cabinate there was a set of folded up clothing and a slice of pie, cherry by the looks of it. Karkat didn't care if it wasn't for him, it smelt to damn good to just leave it there, he imediately snatched it from the cabinate and stuck a fork full in his mouth. It tasted as good as it looked, he could feel his tastebuds tingling from it. It almost tasted like.. A twinge hit his heart, it didn't just taste like that, it tasted _exactly_ like Gamzee's baking. He swallowed hard, half for the pie and half to keep the tears away, before setting it back down. He just felt sick now.

He examined the clothes next, they were just a plain shirt and jeans, but they were his size so he presumed they were for him and dressed himself. Who cares, they're his now. Standing from the bed, he eyed the open door to the room, there wasn't any point in stalling longer, he'd head down there and confront or thank who ever had took him from the Asylum. Instead, his body as always, did as it pleased and his legs took him to the sliding balcany doors. He stepped out onto the balcany, the sun felt refreshing against his pale skin, it soaked up the rays like water to tissue. The country air smelt natural and clean, free of the polluted air he was used too, he almost enjoyed it, until he remembered Gamzee's plans to move to the countryside and it hurt again.

There was even goats in the field just opposite him, Gamzee loved them. They didn't seem to like him much though, they'd sit with him one minute then run off the next, often after headbutting him for runing out of food, but the idiot insisted they loved him too. Karkat wiped the building tears from his eyes, he refused to cry, he wouldn't confront whoever was down stairs, with a leaking face.

He paused after returning to the room, staring at the sliding door. His hand gripped the handle, he should close this but he couldn't find the strength. He couldn't stand the thought of being closed off from the world all over again. He felt stupid at the idea he was developing a fear of closing a damn door. Sighing at his own stupidity, he released the door handle and turned away from the outside world. His heart almost leapt when his gaze met with another's. How long had he been there?

He just stared for a moment, before even realising who it was, as soon as he did he denied it. Gamzee was stood right there as if it were normal. He told himself that it was just another one of his dreams, it had to be. "Karkles?" Gamzee finally spoke after a short silence, that felt like for ever to him. This definately wasn't the reaction he expected, Karkat looked scared to see him. He thought they had gotten past that. Karkat looked the lanky teen over, he looked different from his nightmares, from what he remembered him being like. There was a lack of makeup, but Karkat had grown used to that, his hair was shorter too, his curly locks flicked out wildly, almost looking fluffy. Gamzee chewed his lip after receiving no answer, he moved over to Karkat, holding out his arms to the small teen. "Karkles, it's me.. It's Gamzee.."

"No."

"No?" 

"You're dead." Karkat didn't trust it, he couldn't, this had it be a dream. He backed himself against the wall behind him, Gamzee just looked confused with his actions and alittle shocked. The small teen muttered to himself trying to make sense of the situation, it felt too real to be a dream, but it couldn't be real, Gamzee was dead. Shortly his mumble grew loud enough for Gamzee to hear aswell "Y-You're dead.. They shot you, an.. And you died..." His heart sank, so that's how they decided to explain his disapearence. Sighing, he let his arms drop to his sides, unsure of how to continue, while Karkat just stared in disbelief.

Panic began to spread through Karkat, he couldn't breathe through the amount of emotions building in his chest. He wanted to believe it was real, his heart pounded against his ribcage, as if it were trying to force him forwards to Gamzee, like he so desperately wanted too. But the fear wouldn't let him, the fear of it just being a dream, of this just being his mind tormenting him again for letting Gemzee die. Every few moments the words "You're dead" would tumble out of his mouth before he could stop them. "Nah, Karkles, I'm not." Gamzee spoke, reaching for his shirt to pull it off over his head, Karkat finched expecting to see the bleeding, torn apart body from his nightmares, but there wasn't any blood or wound. It was just Gamzee. "Look." He pointed to his shoulder were a still slightly swollen scarring of bullet wound nested on his skin.

"They shot me but I didn't die, Karkles. I ran, my Pa paid the motherfuckers off to keep them quiet" Karkat couldn't hold back his emotions anymore, the tears spilled out down his cheeks, he didn't quite know why he'd started crying, relieved because what he was being told, or the brewing anger at the realisation, he'd been lied to about Gamzee's death. Still, he couldn't fully trust this, he pushed himself away from the wall, so he could place a hand on Gamzee's chest, slowly trailing his hand up to the shoulder, feeling Gamzee's muscles flinch under the skin as the wound hadn't quite fully healed yet. "Gamzee.." Gamzee's arms slowly envolped him steading him against Gamzee's chest, he hadn't realised it, but his body was swaying, weak from the over flowing hurt and emotion. "Yea, it's me."

A strained whimper escaped Karkat's throat as he just let himself go. He didn't care how stupid or pathetic he looked, he let all the hurt, all his feelings flow out. He cried hard against Gamzee's chest as the lanky teen held him tightly. Absentmindly Gamzee rocked Karkat from side to side as he petted his hair, shushing him and leaning down to kiss his forehead. He wispered gently reassurances to the small emotional wreak of a teen. He almost chuckled as Karkat began to get a hold on himself again and let him know that by spitting out "Don't shush me, fuckass." Scooping Karkat up in his arms, Gamzee walked back to the bed, sitting on the edge holding his miracle close in his arms.

Karkat relaxed again in Gamzee's hold, he thought about asking for more details of what happened and decided against it. He didn't realy care right now he was with Gamzee and that's all that mattered. He nestled his head against Gamzee's now damp chest, taking in his scent and re-farmiliarising himself with the feel of his soft, warm skin against his own. But more importantly, his heartbeat, thumping steadily in his chest and the way his chest moved as he breathed. It was calming, he felt safe there, he didn't want the moment to end. "Gamzee?" The lanky teen hummed a responce, his hand moving to interlace his fingers with Karkat's. "I love you." He felt Gamzee's heartbeat skip, the rhythm unsteady for a moment, he woundered if Gamzee's cheeks were flushed, but he didn't move he just listened. He couldn't remember the last time he'd told Gamzee that, he did remember the pain of not being able to say to him though. Karkat wasn't going to let it happen again, so he said again, he was going to make sure Gamzee knew it. "I love you."

"I love you too, Karkles." Gamzee's voice was quiet, like he was nervous, it brought a smile to Karkat's lips. There was that bashful innocence again. He wriggled in Gamzee's hold, so he could sit up and kiss him, the lips trembled under his own as Gamzee held him tighter, like he was unbelieving of the situtation now. The small arms wrapped themselves around Gamzee's shoulders as he whispered it again against his lips, his kisses moved over Gamzee's cheeks, that were dusted with a faint blush and up to his eye lids, kissing away the cluster of tears begining to form, occassionaly whispering over again that he loved him. Gamzee clung to him, he wanted to say it back to him, but he was too afraid of a choked whimper escaping.

Karkat kissed him once again on the lips before resting back against him again. "Do I get to lock you in the basement this time?" The Lanky teen chuckled ever so lightly, wiping his eyes before returning to holding Karkat's hand and flopped back on the bed. The smaller teen just lay back ontop of him after squiming onto his front. "Nah, sorry. There's no basement here Karkles."


	16. Chapter 16

At some point during the cuddles, the pair had shuffled their way to lay properly on the bed. Karkat had shifted from just lazily laying ontop of Gamzee to staddling his waist, their lips had found their way to meet each other as they grew more intimate, making up for lost time. Gamzee's hands had worked at removing Karkat's shirt, so he run his hands along the soft skin, feeling all of Karkat's skinny torso. To which Karkat's body responded by pressing to them, squirming to follow the flow of his hands, craving the attention, his own hands found their way to Gamzee's shortened curls, still long enough to grab on to and twirl around his fingers.

Their breaths were heavy between the kisses, they hardly had time to catch their breath before one of them pressed their lips back against the other's. Hips slowly started to move against each other, earning the occasional quiet, muffled moan from one of them. Gamzee wanted so badly to flip them over and claim Karkat for his own again, he managed to fight off the urge not wanting to move too fast and Karkat to back out like their past experiances. From the conversation they'd had earlier he decided it wouldn't be the best time to push Karkat for more. Still he was with the one he loved, this was more then enough for him not long ago he believed he'd never be able to be this close to his little miracle ever again.

The intimacy was interupted by a low grumbling noise coming from Karkat's stomach. Gamzee couldn't help his giggle as Karkat looked as if he was mentally ranting at his own gutt. "Hungry Karkles?" They silently decided they could always continue with this later for now they'd eat. Gamzee showed Karkat downstairs, neither of them bothered putting their shirts back on, they focused more on trying to will away their arousals. Gamzee had taken the barely touched slice of pie down with him, it had been left out too long for it to still be good enough for Karkat. He took the rest of the pie out from the fridge and joined Karkat on the couch.

Instead of eating it normally they went with being awkward and sat witht heir legs up on the couch cushions, one of them at each end, the pie having it's own little cushion and ate it straight from the tin. Playing an impossible game of balancing the over sized piece of pie on the tiny fork from the tin to your mouth with out dropping it. Gamzee didn't really eat, he'd already eaten while Karkat was sleeping, he just took the occassional bite so Karkat wouldn't feel weird out eat almost a whole piee to himself. "So.. They just let you off, just like that?" Karkat asked, out of nowhere, he felt if he left that question unasked for too long he wouldn't ever get an answer.

It took a moment for Gamzee to answer, he stalled by chewing on his fork as if there was pie on the end of it. "Nah, it took a lot of motherfuckin' convincing for them to let me go.." He went on to explain how after they'd taken Karkat away he ran. He ran to the only person he could, the only other person that knew about Gamzee's killings. "It was a hell of thing to put on Eridan.. but the brother helped the best he could.. He took me to my Pa.." Gamzee went quiet after that. He'd never really been close to his father, he was away a hell of a lot on business trips or what ever else came up, but Gamzee had always loved him, always seeked for his approval, even if his father didn't really love him enough to stick around, he atleast wanted something from his father, even if it was something as little as respect or him to be proud. His father finding out about what he'd become broke what little part of Gamzee that was left that day, for awhile he'd wanted death just as much as Karkat had in the Asylum.

He stared down into his lap as the events of what happened that day came back. He'd never been so ashamed of himself, what ever it was that connected him to his father vanished. The tears began to build in his eyes, his lip quivered as he tried to hold back his whimpers, the pain in his chest just continued to build and fill his ribcage the more he thought about it. Karkat had noticed and moved the pie onto the coffee table to he could scoot next to Gamzee and hold him close. His arms came up around the taller teen's shoulders pulling him down so he could kiss his forehead. Gamzee buried his face into Karkat's shoulder, any will to hold back his tears disappeared as he sobbed, barely able to form his sentences. "H-He.. He was g-gonna.. Disown me... K-Karkles, h-he didn't care!" He clung tighter to the small teen that was gently petting his hair, he didn't really know how to comfort Gamzee about this so he just held him as close as he could. "He wanted to, to hand me.. o-over..."

He could hardly breath by now, he'd blocked out all thought of that moment, the sheer look of disappointment on his father's face. All the rage Gamzee had ever felt just died out into complete vulnerability and abandonment, he'd never felt that alone. Even when his father had left him home alone he'd never felt alone because his father would return. But not that time, his father was ready to turn his back to Gamzee and never look back. After a few minutes Gamzee had manged to calm himself down and slumped against Karkat, he wiped his eyes before loosely placing his arms around the small teen's frame. "He would have turned me in.. But Eridan convinced it'd be bad for business. People wouldn't interested in a company whose owner's son is a murderer... So he changed his mind, he managed to convince them to let me go after paying them off and I agreed to received theropy.."

Karkat leaned back on the couch, giving Gamzee a gentle squeeze hoping in some way that translated to a I'll always be here, he couldn't really find his voice at the moment, he wasn't expecting that to be what happened. His message seemed to have gotten across to Gamzee as the taller teen nestled against him. Another question played about his mind, he knew after this Gamzee wouldn't ever want to talk about it again, so this really was his only chance. He didn't want to ask it, he felt terrible for just thinking about it, he was sure Gamzee had his reasons and asking him would only upset Gamzee more. But before he could even stop himself the words came blurting out of his mouth "Why'd you leave me?"

The question made Gamzee grow tense, he pulled away from Karkat and just stared. Karkat stared back looking guilty as hell for asking it, his mouth hung open trying to think of something to justify bringing up such as sensitive issue now, but nothing of the sort came out instead he just made it worse. "They told me you were dead, where the hell were you? I believed them! I thought you were dead!" His voice started to break, his words had come out louder then he intended them to, he was amost shouting at Gamzee. He had to cover his own mouth to stop anything else leaving it. Gamzee shrank back in his seat, his own guilt tugged at his heart with every word. "Karkles I.." He didn't really know how to explain himself, there was a simple reason behind why, he was just afraid it wasn't a good enough reason.

"I wanted to come get you, Karkles. My therapist thought it'd be best if we were apart.. So I wouldn't hurt you.. I, I didn't know where you were I swear, I would have come sooner if I knew." He pulled Karkat back into his arms, lightly kissing him between his words as if to kiss away his insecurities. "My therapist let slip where you were, I'm sorry, I didn't know.. I'm sorry.." He gently combed his fingers through Karkat's hair, kissing and apologising to him over and over, until Karkat started to kiss back and hold back onto Gamzee. They quietly whispered an I love you to each other, before Gamzee laid Karkat back across the couch, showering him with kisses. "I won't leave you again" Gamzee barely had time to finish his sentence before Karkat's lips were back against his.

Those words would have scared Karkat to no end not so long ago, but instead now the thought of having Gamzee all to himself, of never having to be with out him, healed all the pain he'd felt the past few months. Being with Gamzee was all he wanted.

* * *

><p><strong>... So this is the official ending chapter to this story. Thankyou to all my readers, I love you all! I'm going to be focusing on my "Children of the Moonlight" Fanfic now, which is also GamKar.<br>I may at some point write up one or two aftermath chapters about the pair easing back into normal life, we'll see.**


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